


Child's Eyes

by nocturneequuis



Category: Gundam Wing
Genre: Disasters, Gen, Past Fic, Violence, heero being heero, psychological warping of a kids mind, you were warned
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-11-29
Updated: 2014-03-28
Packaged: 2017-11-19 20:08:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 41,106
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/577175
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nocturneequuis/pseuds/nocturneequuis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Heroes are made, not born and sometimes the struggle is great. But for the boy that perseveres despite the hardships, a child who cannot even remember his name can become Heero in the end.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Embracing the Clouds

It was a sunny day. High above the clouds made funny shapes as they crossed the air. He reached up, stretching his hand high, wishing he could catch one. He wondered if clouds tasted like cotton candy. Daddy looked down at him and smiled, then fixed his gaze to the sky.

“What’s up there, Hikari?” he asked.

“Clouds!” the boy said happily. Daddy laughed.

“Yes. Many clouds. Would you like to get a closer look?”

Hikari nodded. Suddenly warm strong hands were around his waist and he was sitting on Daddy’s shoulders. The boy buried his hands into his father’s warm brown hair and tossed his head back to let the sun shine on it. It was sooo pretty. Even if they weren’t real clouds. At least, Daddy always said they weren’t. Hikari didn’t understand how they weren’t real if he could see them. But Daddy was a grownup so Daddy knew everything.

“Why aren’t the clouds real, Daddy? I forgot.” Hikari asked, looking down. Daddy started walking; Hikari liked the little bounce as his feet hit the ground.

“They are real. They’re not _natural_.”

“Why not?”

“Because they’re man made. That means that people made them.”

“You made them right, Daddy?” Hikari asked. Daddy chuckled, patting Hikari’s knee gently.

“Yes I did. I helped. But you know, son, there are some clouds that are natural.”

“Liiike… that one?” Hikari asked pointing to a big fluffy rabbit shaped one.

“No. There aren’t any here. They’re all on Earth.”

“Earth?”

“The big blue and brown ball we see in the sky at night. Can you remember what we live in? What it’s called?”

“A…a…baloney?” he asked. Daddy laughed, his shoulders moving up and down. Hikari giggled. He didn’t know what he had said, but making grownups laugh was fun.

“That’s very close. Colony. Col…o…ny.”

“Col…o…ny,” Hikari said, carefully mimicking his father’s voice.

“Very good,” Daddy said. Hikari beamed. Very good. He had done very good! Hikari fell silent again as he played with the strands in Daddy’s hair. Daddy walked down a long flight of white steps to the white square where the fish fountain was. Hikari squealed and pointed as the water glittered.

“Lookit, Daddy! Lookit! It’s shining! Are they fairies?”

“Yes. Sun fairies. They travel on sunbeams and love to play in water. Just like you.” Daddy gave his leg a squeeze. Hikari gripped his father’s hair and pulled himself up a little.

“Can I catch one, Daddy? Huh? Can I?”

“Noooo.”

“But Daaaaddyyy!” Hikari whined. He wanted to catch a light fairy to put by Mommy’s rock. He usually only put flowers but wouldn’t Mommy love a light fairy!

“Do you remember what today is? What special day?” Daddy asked. Hikari thought. Daddy told him hours and hours ago. He wrinkled his nose as Daddy passed the fish fountain and watched it disappear as Daddy walked up another flight of steps. When the fountain disappeared, he leaned his chin on his father’s head.

“Isss iiit Monday?”

“Nooo,” Daddy said with a little laugh. “It’s Wednesday…and it’s your birthday. Can you remember how old you are today?”

“This many!” Hikari crowed, thrusting out three fingers. One. Two. Three. Not every one could count to three.

“Four,” Daddy said, lifting Hikari’s little finger. “See? One. Two. Three. Four.”

“I thought I was three!” Hikari said. He didn’t understand. He’d _always_ been three.

“You _were_ three. Don’t you remember last year? When Nanna and Booboo came to see you and gave you Mr. Brown.”

“Ohhh!” Hikari said, as the image of a big stuffed teddy bear flashed in his mind. He suddenly remembered seeing hazy faces, all droopy and silver haired, handing the big toy to him. He couldn’t remember Nanna and Booboo…but Daddy talked about them a lot and Hikari had talked to them over the phone. Then he remembered. Birthdays! He got stuff on birthdays! Hikari bounced on his father’s shoulders, suddenly excited.

“Nanna and Booboo will be there too. They’re probably all ready back at the apartment.”

“Will they give me stuff?” Hikari asked.

“Maybe. We’ll just have to see won’t we?”

Before going back home, they stopped by Mommy’s rock. Daddy set him down and kneeled in front of the rock, clasping his hands. Hikari picked a pretty yellow dandelion growing out of the sidewalk. He placed it in front of Mommy’s rock, kneeled and folded his hands like Daddy was doing. Pretty soon he got bored.

“Daddy can we go now?” he asked.

“In a minute, Hikari. Just be patient,” Daddy said. Hikari sighed and got to his feet. He didn’t like the word patient. It meant that he had to stand around doing nothing while Daddy did grownup things. There were lots of rocks here. Daddy said that people were under them. Hikari wrinkled his nose. He didn’t think it would be very fun to live under a rock.

Suddenly something bright flashed in front of his eyes. Hikari gasped. A fairy! It had to be! It had a little black body and curved wings like he’d seen in picture books. The fairy landed on a flower and fluttered its wings. Hikari reached for it. The fairy fluttered from his grasp. Hikari giggled and chased after it, waving his hands and jumping the air trying to catch it. Suddenly he slammed into something and fell on his rear. There was a click and when Hikari opened his eyes he found himself staring at a man holding something long and black. Hikari blinked and looked up. The man’s face was covered in shadows.

“Calm down, man. He’s just a kid,” said another man. Hikari stood to take a closer look at the long black thing, but the man put it away in his jacket. Hikari frowned. Heeeyyy.

“What are you doing out here, kid?” the man with the black thing asked.

“I’m with my Daddy. Who are you?”

“No one you want to get involved with,” the man said. Hikari clasped his hands behind his back and looked up at the towering figure.

“What’s…involved mean?”

“It’s not for kids like you to understand,” the second man said. “Now beat it!”

“But…” His words were cut off by a strong hand grabbing his wrist.

“Hikari!” Daddy snapped. Hikari flinched. Uh-oh. Angry voice. That meant he was in trouble.

“You shouldn’t let your kid wander around like that,” the man with the black thing said.

“Yeah. He could get hurt,” the second man said. The way he said ‘hurt’ sounded funny. Like being hurt was a good thing. Suddenly all Hikari could see was Daddy’s blue shirt as he was picked up. He peered around his father’s arm and stared at the two men. The sun made it so he couldn’t see them very well…but he could hear their voices.

“So you want me to take out the whole thing?” the man with the black thing said.

“The only way to kill a rat is to destroy its nest. Wouldn’t you agree?” the other man said.

“What if he’s the only rat in the nest?”

“Look. I have a problem. I want you to do a little extermination. D’you want the money or not?” Their voices faded into the distance. Suddenly Hikari remembered he was in trouble. He looked up. Daddy’s mouth was set in a straight line and there was a little wrinkle between his eyebrows.

“Are you mad at me?” Hikari asked. Daddy glanced down at him and frowned. Uh-oh.

“You ran off again, Hikari. How many times do I have to tell you to stay with me? I might lose you… and I don’t want that to happen.” Daddy hugged him close. Hikari snuggled closer. Daddy was like a big blanket that made his insides warm too.

“I love you, Daddy,” he said.

“I love you too.”

By the time they got to the building and rode the elevator all the way up to the tenth floor, Hikari had forgotten all about the men. As soon as the doors wooshed open, Hikari grabbed his Daddy’s hand and led him to their door. He was so proud he remembered it. They lived behind door number one two three. As soon as Daddy unlocked the door, Hikari was enveloped in the strong arms of his Booboo.

“How’s my little man?” Booboo asked, tossing him up toward the ceiling. Hikari shrieked with laughter.

“Don’t do that!” Nanna said with a gasp.

“Ahhh. Don’t worry. Hikari likes it. Dontcha, Hikari?”

“Yeahhh! Do it again! Do it again!”

Booboo did it a few more times but stopped all too soon as grownups often did. Hikari’s disappointment was short lived however when Daddy brought out a huge chocolate cake with candles on it. After the cake there was ice cream and then soda and chips. Then it was time for presents. This year Nanna and Booboo had bought him a fire truck. Hikari raced it around the kitchen, making siren noises. Daddy let him do it for a long time before stopping him. Then Hikari was forcefully plunked on the couch and turned on the TV where he watched three brand new tapes of Magical Plushy Island. Not soon after, it was bed time.

“But I’m not sleepy!” Hikari said as he was being tucked into bed. Booboo was doing it this time because it was special. Booboo smiled, the lines around his eyes deepening.

“Yes you are.”

“No I’m not!” Hikari said, folding his arms tightly across his chest. Why did grownups always insist he was sleepy when he wasn’t? He wanted to watch Magical Plushy Island again and play with his fire truck and maybe even watch grownup TV like Daddy did.

“Would you like a story?” Booboo said. Hikari nodded. Maybe if he was still awake after the story, Booboo would let him stay up. He curled up to Mr. Brown and closed his eyes to listen.

“Once upon a time…in a kingdom far far away…” as Booboo continued Hikari drifted off into the realm of warm sleep.

****

_Clouds. So many. All above him. A whole bunch of rabbits bouncing across a blue sky._

_‘Clouds! Clouds, Daddy!’_

_‘Yes. Lots and lots of clouds’_

_‘Can I touch one, Daddy?’_

_‘Try.’_

_Hikari reached up. The cloud felt fluffy in his hand. Like cotton. He rubbed his face in the softness. The cloud escaped from his hand a turned into a fairy. Hikari laughed as he tried to catch it. The stones were all around them stretching out onto forever._

_‘Hikari!’ Daddy called. Hikari turned and saw his father standing in the distance. ‘Come here! Hikari!’ Hikari ran to him. Daddy was laughing, holding his arms open wide. Hikari spread his arms wide._

**_BOOOOOOOOMMM!!_ **

Hikari screamed and sat up, his heart slamming in his chest. That noise had been so loud and so scary! It was dark! He couldn’t see! His bed started shaking. Like there was a monster trying to get out. Something beside him crashed loudly.

“Daddy!” Hikari screamed. “Daaaaddyy!!” The door flung open but no warm light came in. Instead Daddy snatched him up roughly and ran from the room. There were crashing sounds everywhere and screaming and thunder seemed to rumble through the floor. Hikari was too scared to scream. Daddy stumbled to the door, flinging it open with a word that Hikari had never heard before.

There were people in the hall. Screaming. Hikari clung to his father’s neck.

“Get out of my way!” Daddy screamed. “Get the hell out of my way! Please! I have a child!” They were running again. Something slammed and over his father’s shoulder, Hikari could see steps flying past. Down and down they went. Suddenly Daddy stopped.

“It’s blocked! There’s no way out!” someone screamed. “Oh God, we’re all gonna die!” Daddy started running again. Hikari buried his face in his father’s shoulder. _Make it go away, Daddy!_ He thought. _It’s scary! Make it go awayy!_

Daddy stumbled and the thunder crashed again. It was so close this time. Daddy was running even faster. He was almost flying. Then he stopped. Hikari could hear his heart beating like a wild drum. Daddy let go of him with one and there was the groaning of wood. The thundering was getting louder.

“Comon’! Comon’, damn you!” Daddy yelled. There was a cracking sound. Then Daddy held him up with both hands. Hikari looked down into his Daddy’s face. Tears were running down his cheeks.

“Fly, my baby. Fly…” Daddy said, his voice shaking. The next thing Hikari saw was a window… and suddenly he was flying. Flying in the open air. The ground so far below. High above in the night sky were dark clouds. Clouds….

_‘Fly, my baby…’_

Hikari reached for a cloud. If he caught it he could fly. Then there was a loud roar and sharp hurt…then nothing.

****

****

The boy was lost. Everything was gray. Big gray flakes swirled down from the sky and piled up on the ground. He limped through it. It hurt to walk and there was something itchy trailing down his face. The air stung his eyes and it was hard to breathe. He had to walk, though. He had to find something. Something…

There was a big pile of rocks nearby. Huge rocks…all tumbled down. This wasn’t home. Where was home? He had to find it. It would be safe there. Someone could look after his hurts. But home didn’t seem to be anywhere. It was just gray and choking. He coughed, making his head hurt. Where was home?

Suddenly the sound of footsteps broke through the quiet. He stopped, standing where he was. Someone started to come out of the gray. Had someone come to get him? Was he going home now? Slowly the shape of a grownup came out of the haze. As it came closer, he saw it was a man. When the man saw him, surprise lifted his face. The man came over to him and kneeled so that their eyes met.

“You survived, kid? You’re one amazing little brat,” the man said. The boy stared at him. _Will you save me?_ He thought. _Will you take me home? Will you keep me safe?_ But he couldn’t ask. His mouth wouldn’t move. All he could do was stand there and look at the grownup who was supposed to save him. The man reached in his coat and pulled out a black thing. He pressed the thing to the boy’s forehead.

“You probably won’t live long, though. Would you like me to put you out of your misery?”

Misery? What did that mean? The man stood, pulling the black thing back but still keeping pointed at him. There was a click followed by a loud bang. Something whistled by the boy’s ear and thudded into the ground behind him. It happened so fast that he didn’t even have time to be sacred.

“You didn’t even flinch. You’re not normal,” the man said. _Take me home,_ the boy thought, opening his arms. _Take me home. You’re a grownup. You’re supposed to take care of me._

The man laughed. It wasn’t a very happy sound. It was like he would rather yell…but couldn’t.

“Embracing your death, huh?” the man asked. For a long while the man stared at him. The boy swayed slightly, wanting to lie down in the soft gray stuff that covered the street. But something wouldn’t let him. Something kept him standing there, arms open, waiting. After a while, the man shrugged.

“Fine. They always said I should start training a protégé. I guess you’re as good as any.”

The man picked him up. The boy sighed and snuggled closer. He was safe. He was hurting all over but a grownup was taking care of him now. A grownup would make him all better. In a little while, he had drifted off into a dreamless sleep.

 


	2. First Blood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There is always a first for everything, and only a few months since his world was shattered, it is time for the first that will mark all the other firsts of Heero's life. Only Odin knows the consequences, but there is no turning back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is fairly dark. Mention of blood. Psychological warping of a minor.

The boy stared out the window as the telephone poles whizzed past. One.

Two. Three. Four. Five. …. Eight. Seven. Ten. Nine.

Odin was taking him somewhere. The boy looked over at the man with his hands on the wheel. Odin hadn’t told him where they were going. It was taking foreverrrrr. He wanted to be outside putting holes in things. He’d been putting holes in things for a long time now. Odin said he had natural talent. The boy wondered if natural talent was anything like natural clouds.

“Odin?” the boy asked. The man seemed to hold the steering wheel tighter.

“What?” he said in an almost angry voice.

“Are we there yet?”

“You just asked me that two minutes ago!” Odin said. It sounded like he was speaking through his teeth. The boy stared at him for a moment.

“So are we?”

“Look. When we get there. I’ll tell you. Okay? Just stop asking.”

The boy looked at his feet. He kicked one foot. Then the other one.

Then the first foot again. A little tune began to play in his mind. Bum bum bum…

“Magical Plushy Island, it’s a great place to be,” he sang. “And when we play together it’s fun for you and me!”

“What…are you…doing?” Odin asked.

“Singing.”

“Well stop.”

“Why?”

“Because I don’t want to have to clean up your blood from the floorboards.”

The boy sighed and looked back out the window. He’d forgotten how the rest of the song went anyway. He pointed his finger at a telephone pole.

“Bam,” he whispered. Then at the other poles. “Bam. Bam. Bam.”

“You’d probably hit them all too,” Odin said. “I couldn’t do what you can until I was at least twenty. You shoot like a demon, kid.”

“What’s a demon?”

“A monster from hell.”

“What’s hell?”

“A place where bad people go.”

“Oh.” Silence. Boring. Boring. Boring. He wanted to plaaaay and put holes in things. Holes in bowls. Bowls in holes. Bowly holes.

“Odin?”

“If you’re going to ask what I think you’re going to ask you had better not ask it,” he said in a growly voice. The boy stared at him. How did he know what Odin thought he was going to ask? Oh well. Grownups were confusing. He should just ask anyway.

“Are we there yet?”

***

“Hey…kid…wake up,” a voice said. The boy opened his eyes, blinking slowly. He yawned and rubbed his eyes with his fist.

“Are we there yet?”

“Yeah. We’re here.”

“Yay!” The boy sat up and looked out the window. His heart did a little flip-flop. There were swings and slides and dungle gyms and lots and lots of kids. Some even looked older then he was. Yay! A playground! The boy began to bounce up and down in his seat. Yay! Yay! Yay!

“All right kid. Now listen up,” Odin said. The boy gave him as much attention as he could. When Odin said things like that, it was usually important and he got mad when the boy forgot.

“Your name is John Smith.”

“Noooo,” the boy said, shaking his head. “My name started with a ‘hee’ sound.”

“Not your real name. The name you’re using in there.”

“Why?”

“Because I said so. Just shut up and listen. I want you to pretend I’m your father okay? Can you do that?”

“Okay. Can I play too?”

“Yes.”

“Okay!” The boy opened the door and started to get out of the car but the man grabbed his arm, stopping him. The boy looked back at him.

“Now, what is my name?” the man asked. The boy blinked.

“Odin.”

“What are we pretending? Remember?”

“Ohh… Umm…Daddy?”

“Riiight. Keep that in mind okay?”

The boy nodded. He wanted ouuut. Odin let go of his arm. The boy got out onto the sidewalk and ran up to the fence, watching the kids playing inside.

This was going to be so fun! Maybe if he was good, Odin would let him put holes in things!

“Let’s go, John,” Odin said. Wow! A spinny-twirly! He loved the spinny-twirly! Even when it made him throw up he could go right back on and go around and around and around.

“John!” Odin snapped, putting a hand on his shoulder. The boy looked up at him.

“Let’s go John,” Odin said very slowly. The boy blinked. He didn’t know his name but he was pretty sure it wasn’t John.

“Remember?” Odin said; a smile that seemed angry at the same time on his face. Ohhh.

“Okay Daddy! Let’s go!” the boy said, grabbing Odin’s hand. Odin rolled his eyes and said something that the boy couldn’t hear. The man led the boy to a big red building. Above the black door was a big cloth with writing on it and a smiling sun on both sides of the words.

Inside the building were a bunch of pictures, like the kind the boy drew, and cartoon pictures of animals and suns on the walls. Wow. This place was fun. Odin led him up to a desk in the center of the room. Behind that desk was a smiling woman.

“Hello. Welcome to Sunnytime Daycare. Can I help you?”

“Yes, my name is Alexander Smith-”

“I’m John Smith!” the boy said, proud that he remembered the name.

Odin gave him a little bit of an angry look but didn’t yell.

“Well hello, John Smith,” the woman said with a smile.

“Eh heh…cute isn’t he?” Odin said with a smile that seemed actually real.

“He’s adorable, Mr. Smith.”

“I was told that John was accepted to this daycare?”

“I’ll see if you’re in the system,” the woman said. There was a bunch of clicking noises. Finally she said:

“It appears so. Will this be John’s first day?” she asked, smiling down at him.

“No. John gets nervous in strange places so we just thought we’d take a little tour first.”

“Oh. No problem. If you give me a second I’ll show you around.”

The boy bounced from foot to foot as he waited for something to happen. The woman was busy doing grownup things and Odin was just standing there. Finally the woman came around the desk and held out her hand to him.

“Well, shall we go?” she asked. The boy took her warm hand and smiled. She looked pretty. The woman led them through several rooms. The one that really caught his eye was filled with toys. Toys all over the place and no one there to play with them.

“Canni go play?” the boy asked.

“Later,” Odin said.

“But you said I could play! I wanna play!”

“Tell you what,” the woman said. “When we’re done looking around you can go play in the playground with the other kids. If your Daddy doesn’t mind.”

“I suppose we have some spare time,” Odin said. Yay! Yay, yay, yay! He was going to go on the swing first, then the slide, then the spinny-twirly, then the slide, then the spinny-twirly, then the dungle gym, then the spinny-twirly.

“This is the time-out room,” the woman was saying. The boy wrinkled his nose. He didn’t like the time-out room. There was nothing there but a small squishy looking pillow and a window that looked out on the playground.

“I don’t think that John will have to go in here, will he?” the woman asked, giving his hand a squeeze. The boy smiled.

“Why don’t you go look outside?” Odin said, giving him a small pat on the back.

This was one order that the boy had no trouble following. The window was small and narrow and pretty high up. The boy stood on tippy-toes and pressed his face to the glass. It was sooo colorful outside. He could see the entire playground below him.

“Does someone sit in the room with them?” Odin asked.

“No sir. We believe that ignoring a tantrum is the best way to cure it.”

“How long do you usually keep a kid in here for?”

“It depends. Usually only a minute or so. For hitting or anything like that, they get a full five. We have good kids here though so I don’t think you’ll have to worry, Mr. Smith.”

“Excellent. So, John, want to go to the playground now?”

“Yeaaahh!” the boy crowed.

***

Baaaaack and fooorth, baaack and fooorth. The boy squealed and kicked his feet happily as Odin continued to push him in the swing. At first, the man hadn’t wanted to, but the nice woman had talked to him and then he’d said yes. This was so fun! He didn’t even know Odin knew how to be fun! He thought all Odin knew how to do was be grumpy.

The swing suddenly jerked to a stop. The boy fell forward, oofing as the bar that kept him safely in the swing bumped into his belly. Heeey. He wasn’t done swinging yet!

“Mooore! I wanna do it mooore,” he said, kicking his feet.

“All right, kid. All right. I just want to show you something. Do you see that man over by the slide?”

The boy looked. There was a big man with hair the color of snow, talking to a little girl. The man turned a little and the boy saw he had a big round nose, like a small balloon…it was even red too. The boy giggled.

“Funny man!”

“If you saw him tomorrow would you recognize him?”

“Yep!”

“Good.”

“Push me! Push meeeee!” the boy demanded. Odin sighed and let go of the swing. The boy laughed as his feet almost seemed to walk across the sky.

Wheee!

***

The boy laughed as he went down the slide. It was a brand new day and he was at the playground again. As he came to the end, he didn’t put his legs down and his butt hit the ground. The boy sat there blinking for a second, deciding on whether or not to cry. No grownups were looking his way. He stood and brushed off his new coat.

It was dark green and puffy. He could easily hide a whole jar of fairies inside it. What was inside it though was even more exciting. Odin had given him the gun! Only, he couldn’t use it ‘til he was supposed to. The boy glanced at the fence. No one there. He sighed. When Odin showed up, the boy was supposed to hit someone to get himself in time-out. Then…what else? The boy scrunched up his nose, trying to remember. Oh right! Once he got into timeout he was supposed to open the window and wait for Mr. Balloon-Nose to come along.

Then he was supposed to put a hole in him. The boy didn’t think it was very nice to put holes in people. But Odin had said the man needed an extra hole in his head…to keep his brain cool. It made sense to the boy. Some people just needed cooler brains then others.

The boy ran around to the slide again. He hadn’t taken off his coat all day and inside it was hot. The nice woman had tried to get him to take it off but he wouldn’t. He hoped Odin came soon. He didn’t like being hot…and he wanted to shoot hoooles!

When he reached the bottom of the slide, he suddenly saw Odin. The man was standing by the fence; watching him. The boy smiled. Yay! Now he had to hit someone. He walked up to a little boy playing in the sandbox. When the boy looked up at him, he punched him in the head.

***

The boy stood on the pillow, staring out of the open window. The grownups had gotten very very mad at him. Did he do a bad thing? He’d only done what Odin had told him. Odin was a grownup. So was it bad to listen to some grownups but not others? He just didn’t understand.

He watched as the kids played outside, wishing he could join them again. He hadn’t even had a chance to go on the spinny-twirly yet! Then Mr. Balloon-Nose appeared, walking toward the slide. Yay! The boy unzipped his jacket and pulled out the gun. Then he pointed it at Mr. Balloon-Nose and pulled.

Everything was quiet then. He couldn’t hear anything but his heart. He watched as Mr. Balloon-Nose jerked, and then slowly fell to the ground red stuff spraying from his head. Then everything became fast. So fast. Everyone started screaming and screaming.

“Daddy!” the little girl cried. “Daaaaddyyyyy!!”

The boy sat down where he was, holding the gun. His hands were shaking. He sat there for a long time, staring past the wall, remembering over and over the way Mr. Balloon-Nose had fallen.

Footsteps. Footsteps were coming closer. Someone was running The boy hurriedly put the gun in his jacket and zipped it up. He would get in trouble if they knew. Something really bad would happen if they knew. That was not a good thing he had done. Odin was wrong. It was a very very bad thing. The door opened and the nice woman came in and wrapped him in a hug.

“Oh God, are you all right, John?! You must have seen the whole thing!!” She was crying. The boy tried to wriggle out of her grasp. No. He didn’t want to be hugged. He’d done a bad thing! He shouldn’t be hugged for doing a bad thing.

“I did it,” he whimpered, trying to make her let go. “I did it. I did it.”

“Ohh nooo sweetheart,” the woman said, petting his head gently. “Nooo.

You didn’t do anything. Ssh. Don’t worry. It’s going to be all right. We’ll call your Daddy to come pick you up okay? Wouldn’t you like to see your Daddy?”

“Daddy’s dead,” the boy whispered.

“Oh you poor thing. It’s going to be all right, John. It’s going to be all right.”

***

The boy watched the rain splatter against the front window. The black wipers wiped the rain away, but the rain always came back. The clouds were crying. He wanted to cry, too…but there wasn’t any cry in him and he didn’t know why.

“That was a good job, kid,” Odin said. “At first I didn’t think you could do it…but I’m glad you did. Saved me a lot of trouble. That’s the only place the guy went without bringing along half a dozen bodyguards. Guess he figured he was safe at a daycare.”

“Will…will he come back tomorrow?”

“No, kid. He’s dead. Dead people never come back.”

“Why is he dead?”

“You killed him. Clean shot too. Right through the temple.” Odin whistled. “Probably didn’t even see it coming until it was over.”

“Killing…isn’t bad is it?” the boy asked hopefully. Odin didn’t sound as if killing were bad. The yellow haired man chuckled.

“Yes it is. Worst thing you could possibly do to someone.”

“So am I going to hell?” He hoped not. He didn’t want to go to hell.

He didn’t know where it was but with all the bad people it would be scary there.

“Most likely, kid,” Odin said, patting his knee. “But don’t worry. I’ll be there, too. We’ll roast together.”

The boy said nothing more and watched the telephone poles go past. He was a bad person now. A bad, bad person. He’d made the clouds cry.

 


	3. The Meaning of Family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just another mission. He's gotten used to them now, even if Odin still means a little more...

The boy sat, knees curled up to his chest, and watched Odin put together a long gun called a rifle. An assassin’s rifle. He looked around at the apartment. A lumpy mattress was up against the cracked wall. On the other side of the room, a small, dirty, refrigerator sat next to a sink that spit out brown water. Next to the door were two suitcases. One for the rifle, the other containing what few things they had. Another apartment. Another job. It was the way life had always been. 

Odin pointed the rifle at him, hugged it to his shoulder, sighted and squeezed the trigger. There was nothing but a soft click. The boy stared into the mouth of the gun and wondered why he wasn’t afraid. Others were afraid, but there was no fear in him. Sometimes it felt there was nothing in him at all.

“Someday I’m going to make you flinch, kid,” Odin said, lowering the rifle. The boy shrugged and turned his gaze out the dirty window. An Earth city rose into the air, glass shining like stars in the afternoon sun. He watched out of the corner of his eye as Odin brought the smaller suitcase over and began to take apart the rifle. The man was working carefully, gently, as if one wrong touch would break it. 

“Oh yeah. Happy anniversary, kid,” Odin said. The boy turned his head to look the man full in the face. 

“Anniversary?”

“Yeah. It’s been a year since I found you. I’m guessing you’re probably five now so it really should be happy birthday shouldn’t it?”

“Hn,” the boy said, turning his gaze back to the window. Birthdays… A part of him remembered how much fun they used to be. Used to be…but they wouldn’t be now. 

“I still remember that day. Do you?”

“Not really.” 

“Wouldn’t think so.” Odin put the last remaining pieces of the gun and snapped the suitcase shut. Then the man disappeared from his eyesight and the boy heard the squealing of the mattress. Outside, birds fluttered past the window. The boy watched them until they disappeared into the blue sky. He wished he could go up there like they did. It would be fun to fly. 

“Didn’t have anything back then. Five years after leaving the alliance and I still didn’t know up from down.” He laughed softly. “I was so pathetic. I had promised myself I was going to stay out of it. But at that point I couldn’t even buy food. So I took a job. A simple job. But it would keep me alive one more day. So I blew up a building. Leveled the entire block. Funny thing is, the rat that was supposed to be exterminated wasn’t there. Found out a few days later that he’d left early.” 

The boy looked down at the dirty floor. He’d never seen a building blow up. But he knew what it must feel like. All he could remember about that day though was snow. Dirty gray snow and…and he hurt. It was a sad memory but he held it close to him. It was good to be sad sometimes. It was better than being nothing. 

“Don’t you hear what I’m saying, kid?” Odin said. “That building was probably yours. Or one of the ones caught in the blast. I’m the one that did it. Don’t you feel anything at all?”

The boy looked deep inside himself. All he felt was the same. What was he supposed to feel? Sad? Scared? The boy reached down and fingered the laces on his shoes without answering. He didn’t know how he felt. 

“You don’t care do you? You are a demon spawn. The only time I’ve ever seen you cry is when you were little and throwing a fit. You used to smile a lot back then.”

“I can’t believe I ever smiled,” he said to himself. He didn’t realize he’d spoken his thought until Odin snorted.

“I’m starting to think I imagined it myself.”

There was a long silence. The boy began to trace patterns in the dust on the floor. This was the worst part. The waiting. They couldn’t do anything until the right time. Everything had been planned and one little mistake could ruin the whole thing. He didn’t like to wait. Waiting was boring. But there was nothing else to do. Nothing except shoot people. 

“Odin?” 

“Mm?”

“Do you have any family?” 

There was a rustle of cloth as Odin sat up.

“Where did that come from?” the man asked. The boy shrugged. He didn’t know. He just thought he wanted to ask. Something inside him wanted to know.

“Yeah. Once. A million years ago,” he said, lying back down.

“Not anymore?”

“Nope. An assassin doesn’t have any family, kid. An assassin doesn’t have anyone. No past. No future. Just the present. And if you’re really good, no one will know when you’re gone.”

“Gone?”

“Dead, kid.”

“Oh.” The boy looked outside the window. The clouds would know. The clouds always knew. They knew everything. He looked back down and sighed a little. They didn’t like him anymore.   
\---  
The street was busy. The boy sat on a bench, kicking his feet and watching the building on the other side of the street. Errol Daico was supposed to come out soon. The boy could remember his face. Narrow and thin with two tufts of hair sticking up on either side of his head, and a bristly mustache. A rat face. They were going to extri…men…eat… kill another rat.

The building had a long covered walkway outside of it. It went almost up to where the cars dropped people off. When the target came out it, Odin would only have a short time to fire before the man went into his car. It was the boy’s job to keep Odin informed. He had a little thing attached to his collar so he could speak to Odin and another little thing in his ear so he could listen to what Odin had to say. The boy liked his job. It was much better then shooting people. All he had to do was pay attention to the building and tell Odin exactly what was happening. 

Across the street, the doors opened. The boy sat up and watched. There were two men, dressed in black, looking around carefully. The boy knew what they were. He’d seen many of them before.

“The guards are out,” he said, keeping his voice low. 

\How many are there?\ Odin’s voice sounded like it was small and far away.

“Two.”

\Well he’s got a lot more then that.\

The guards nodded and one of them spoke something into a phone. A shiny black car pulled up a few seconds later. 

“The car is here.”

\Confirmed. Keep a close eye, kid. Daico isn’t far behind.\

The two guards went up to the car and stood in front of it. The doors opened again and a few more guards came out. In the middle was Daico. The boy leaned forward a little, heart pounding.

“The target is in view.”

\How many guards?\

“Twelve all together.”

\Tuh. Figures. All right kid. Where are they?\

“The first guards are almost out of the walkway.” 

\Right.\

One of the guards slapped a black shoe against the sunlit sidewalk. Then looked up. Suddenly a gun was in the guards hand and a loud cracking sound filled the air.

\Shit!\ 

“Odin!” the boy cried.

\I’m all right, kid. But the mission’s blown.\ 

Some guards had come around the car and were firing into the air. The other guards were rushing Daico into the car. The car!  
If he could stop the car… 

The boy jumped off of the bench and tore across the street. A car was coming at him from the other way. It began to screech as it tried to stop. The boy picked up speed. The black car was starting to leave. 

\What the hell are you doing?!\ Odin shouted. The boy didn’t have time to tell. He flung himself in front of the black car. There was a loud honk and an even louder screeching sound that made his ears ring. The boy saw a glimpse of the driver’s face before everything exploded into hurt. It was all black and he was flying. Flying. There was the loud pop of a gun and then he hit something hard and was lost to a world where it didn’t hurt anymore. 

\---

The boy woke up slowly. First he could feel the cool sheets over him and the strange way his arm was bound and levitated. There was something up his nose too. It didn’t hurt…but it felt funny Then, slowly, soft mumbling voices floated over him and a quiet beeping. The voices that grew clearer the more he listened. 

“They say he jumped right in front Daico’s car,” one woman said. “So the driver had to stop. And right after that Daico got shot.”

“And just what are you trying to say?” the second woman said. She sounded a little angry. 

“Well… I mean there is a rumor going around that this kid was involved with the assassination.”

“Don’t be ridiculous. He can’t be more then five. Not even in grade school yet, the darling.”

“I wonder why in the world he was running across the street anyway?”

“Oh, he probably got excited about seeing the body guards. You know how little boys are. Anything in a black suit wearing sunglasses is ‘in’ nowadays. He’s lucky they didn’t shoot him.” 

There was a long silence. The boy could see gray on his eyelids. So Odin had completed his mission. The boy had done a good thing then. Maybe…maybe Odin would be proud of him. 

“Oh, he looks like he’s waking up,” the first woman said.

“Don’t worry, the medication’s ready. All you have to do is syringe it into the tube like I showed you.”

“Like this?” the first woman asked. The boy wasn’t awake long enough to even hear the other woman’s answer. 

For a long time he was wrapped in warm, cozy darkness. There were no nightmares, no hurt, just black. After a little while, he slowly came awake again. There were no voices, just the quiet beeping. He opened his eyes to a strange ceiling. The boy looked around the room. There was a chair by a window on one side, on the other all sorts of machines. A pole with bags hanging from it was beside the bed. The bags had tubes in them which ran all the way down into the boy’s arm. The boy’s other arm was lifted high into the air and wrapped in hard white stuff. 

The boy knew what this place was. He could remember coming somewhere like this before a long time ago. There had been a woman lying on the bed, with a white face, looking so much like a spooky skeleton that it had scared him. Someone had once told him that this place took care of sick people. That didn’t make any sense though. He wasn’t sick. He didn’t even hurt anymore. 

The door opened and a man wearing a white coat came in. He was carrying a little silver board and there was one of those cold metal things around his neck. The boy frowned. A doctor. He hoped the doctor wasn’t going to give him a shot. The man smiled behind his brown beard and the boy immediately liked him. Doctors who gave shots didn’t usually smile. 

“Well good morning…and how are you feeling today?” the man asked. The boy thought to say ‘good’ but he couldn’t get his mouth to move. When he finally was able, his voice was scratchy and grumbly. The doctor smiled and patted his hand.

“That’s good. I’m sure you feel a little woozy and wobbly, but that’s only natural. It’ll pass once you’ve gotten better.” 

The doctor looked at the bags on the pole and wrote on his board. Then he checked the boy’s eyes and tongue. Then he looked at the fingers of the hand lifted in the air. Then the man gently touched his side, asking if certain places hurt when he touched them. Finally the doctor straightened and was again smiling at him.  
“Well, it looks like you’ll be okay. Would you like to know what’s wrong with you? It could be scary,” the man said. The boy nodded. He didn’t think it would scare him. Nothing scared him anymore. The doctor looked at his board and frowned a little.

“You have three broken ribs, your arm is broken in two places. You have a sprained ankle, a moderate concussion and cuts and bruises all over. All in all, you’re lucky. Even if the man had been driving a little slower, being hit like that would have killed any other child your age…or at least put them into the hospital for a long time. You should never run across the street like that, understand? You have to have an adult hold your hand so it will be safe.” 

The boy didn’t understand. Odin never held his hand when he crossed the street before. Odin had never held his hand at all. Odin was a grownup so Odin should know if he had to hold the boy’s hand or not. He sighed a little. Grownups were always so confusing.

The door opened again. The boy’s heart smiled as Odin came in. Yay! It made him happy to see someone familiar. The doctor turned toward Odin. 

“Can I help you, sir?”

“No. I just wanted to see my son. Is he too bad off?” 

“He’ll survive,” the doctor said in a suddenly angry voice. “You really need to keep a closer eye on him. He could have been killed.”

“I know. I know. I’m not letting him out of my sight again, you can believe that.” Odin came to sit in the chair beside the window. The doctor gave him an angry face for a good long moment, then left. When the door shut, Odin rolled his eyes and shook his head.

“Arrogant bastard. I hate the people that do the whole, holier-then-thou, routine.” 

“What’s a thou?” the boy asked. Odin laughed a little.

“Good to hear your dumb questions again, kid. You’ve been out nearly a week. I really thought you were a goner this time. “

“Did…did I help?”

”Yes. You were a big help. But never help in that way again, understand?” 

The boy nodded. Odin leaned closer to him, resting his arms on the bed and putting his face right next to the boy’s ear. 

“I’m going to take you out tonight,” the man whispered. “I’d leave you in here if I could but some people are starting to take too close a look at me.” 

“Will I be better tonight?” the boy asked. Odin straightened and shook his head.

“Not by much.”

“The doctor said that I would be…woozy and wobbly…until I get better,” the boy said. Odin laughed again.

“’Woozy and wobbly’ huh? What are they shooting you up with in here? Whiskey?” 

“They didn’t shoot me,” the boy said, wondering exactly what the grownup was talking about. He was so sleepy all of a sudden. Odin flapped his hand.

“Ah, never mind, kid. Don’t worry being ‘woozy or wobbly’. I’ll take good care of you,” the man said. Of course. Grownups always took care of kids. The boy closed his eyes. He wanted to go back to that warm dark. Right before he fell asleep completely, he felt someone gently touch his hair.


	4. Ice Blue Eyes: Part I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> His first solo mission. It'll be okay, won't it? After all, she seems really nice...

“We are now docking. Please buckle your seatbelts, make sure your terminal is off, and place your trays in the upright position. Thank you for flying Colonial Space Transport and we hope you enjoy your stay on L-4.” 

The boy stared out the window. There was a slight jolt as the wheels of the shuttle hit the runway. The stars were slowly replaced by metal wall as the shuttle slid into the docking bay. The shuttle rolled a few feet more, then stopped. Odin, who hadn’t even buckled his seatbelt, stood and stretched.

“Ugh. I always hate these all night flights.”

“We could have taken the express shuttle,” the boy said, standing. Odin reached up and started to take their things from the overhead compartment.

“Can’t afford an express,” Odin said, putting the boy’s small suitcase on the chair. The boy opened it and took out the teddy bear. Then he snapped the suitcase shut and grinned at the blond man.

“You just don’t like the express shuttle because you get space sick.”

“Don’t even start on that, kid… er... John.”

The boy giggled. Odin was funny when he got space sick. His face went all white and he held onto the seat like he was afraid it would run away from him. The boy hugged the teddy bear in one arm and picked up the suitcase. Then followed Odin. As they started to leave the shuttle, the stewardess smiled at him.

“Well hello, little man! Did you enjoy the flight?” she asked. The boy nodded, hiding his face a little behind the teddy bear, pretending to be shy. Hopefully she wouldn’t. They almost always did, but hopefully she wouldn’t. 

“Aww. Shy are you? Well for being such a brave boy, I’ve got a treat for you,” she said, reaching into the pocket on her dress. The boy tried not to sigh as she pinned a silver shuttle onto his shirt. The boy started to leave but a hand on his shoulder stopped him. 

“What do you say, son?” Odin said with a broad smile. He was laughing at him. That wasn’t very nice. 

“Thank you,” the boy muttered. As they stepped from the airlock into the main terminal, Odin really did laugh. 

“You really hate that don’t you?” the man asked. The boy nodded.

“I hate being treated like a little kid.”

“You are a little kid. You’re only six. Six…with the mind of a twelve-year-old.” 

“Better then being fifty with the mind of a six-year-old.”

“For one thing, I’m only forty-seven-”

“That’s really old, Daddy,” the boy said as he spotted the security gate. Odin straightened and put a hand on his shoulder. 

“ID please,” the bored looking security man said. Odin gave it to him. The security guard looked at it and his eyebrows raised.

“Part of the Archeological Research Foundation huh? My wife loves old stuff like that.”

“So do I,” Odin said, patting the case which the rifle was in. “That’s why I need to ask you a favor.” The security man suddenly looked uncomfortable. 

“I’m…sorry, sir. I can’t do favors…”

“This is a very old artifact, if I bring it through the scanner, it’ll destroy it. This is a priceless piece of history.” The security man cleared his throat and looked from side to side. Finally he nodded.

“All…all right. You just go through and I’ll hold onto this.” 

“Just be sure not to open it,” Odin said. “If it hits the air it will crumble.”

“Right.” 

“Hold my teddy too! He doesn’t like scanners,” the boy said, holding the bear up.

“All right all right. Just go through. Hurry up.” 

A few seconds later, they were walking free of the security gate. The boy kept quiet as they went through the terminal. Men with guns were standing here and there, and he was sure there were hidden ones as well. With the war going on, the colonies were being very careful. But obviously not careful enough if they allowed security men like that. 

They stepped outside and were met with a sunny sky. The main colony of L-4 rose up around them. Cars and busses hummed along busy streets. The sidewalk was full of people. 

“Better keep a close eye on me, kid. You could get lost for days on this colony if you don’t know where you’re going.” 

The boy did as he was told. He almost lost Odin twice in the enormous crowd and was glad when they finally reached the hotel. It was strange that they were in a hotel. Usually, Odin rented an apartment on the dark side of town. An even stranger fact was that the boy hadn’t been told about their assignment yet. Usually Odin told him right away, but he seemed to be avoiding it for some reason.

The inside of the hotel looked like a lot of money. Leather chairs sat in circles on a fuzzy red carpet. Pretty rugs with lots of designs hung on the walls. High above a pretty light hung with crystals swung a little.

Odin went up to the high front desk and leaned against it. The boy hung back a little, looking around and keeping an ear on what Odin was saying.  
“Do you have a reservation, sir?” said a male voice in a snooty tone.

“Yes. My name is Odin Lowe.”

The boy stared at Odin’s back, eyes wide. He…he used his own name. He’d never used his own name before! Not even for the shuttle.  
“Ahhh yes. Well it seems everything is in order, sir. Your room number is 569A. The bellhop will show you where it is.”

“It does have a computer in there doesn’t it?” 

“Yes sir. The computer has an A4 class processor and intercolony linkup.” 

“Not interspace?”

“No sir. All service has been restricted to intercolony.” 

“That’s fine. Comon’, kid.” 

The boy was silent as they followed the bellhop. There were so many things he wanted to ask. But he knew enough to keep quiet until the right moment. As soon as the bellhop closed the door, the boy turned to Odin.

“What’s going on?” 

The man looked at him a long moment, then sighed, dropped his suitcases, and flopped on the bed. 

“Ah shut up, kid. You know I have to rest after long space trips.”

The boy frowned. He wanted to know now. But Odin would only get grouchy if he pressed further. Odin was watching him, a thoughtful look on his face. The boy dropped his own little suitcase and tossed the teddy bear onto the bed. Odin yelped and rolled out of the bed, falling with a thud on the floor. The boy blinked. When Odin got to his feet, stomped over to the boy and roughly grabbed his arm.

“Are you out of your mind?! Don’t throw that thing!” he snapped. 

“Why not?”

“Because there’s a gun in there.” Odin said through his teeth in a low voice. “If that goes off we’re gonna have hotel security up here faster then you can blink.”

“Oh…sorry. I forgot.”

“I forgot,” Odin said, letting him go. “You haven’t even started your mission yet and all ready you ‘forget’.”

“My mission?”

“Yeah kid, your mission. Come here,” Odin said, going to sit at the computer. The boy stared at him. His mission? A mission to do all by himself? A part of him was a little scared…but another part was excited. He went to sit beside Odin who had turned on the computer. There was a picture of stars in a brown frame and below it the words: Microsoft Windows Colony Edition. Then the computer went to another screen with all sorts of little pictures and a gray bar at the bottom. 

“Keep a close eye on what I do, kid. You’re gonna have to learn how to get around this thing.” 

The boy nodded. Too fascinated to look away. A little arrow appeared and pointed to a small picture which had the letters ICL. 

“Clicking on this will get you into the Intercolony Linkup. You’ll have access to all sorts of personal sites and information in the L-4 colony cluster.”

“Does Interspace Linkup get you access to all of the colonies?” 

“Yes. But with the threat of the Alliance they don’t want any information to accidentally leak out. Of course there is a way you can get information from anything…but I’m not a hacker so I wouldn’t know.” There was a click and a new screen popped up. Odin clicked some buttons. There was a slight pause, then a picture of a man showed up. He was old. Older then Odin. His eyes were a dark, dark blue. The boy suddenly noticed Odin was watching him again. As if he was waiting for him to say something. The boy read the name under the picture.

“Ak…em…i T…To…dai,” the boy said, carefully sounding out the letters. “Is that right?” he asked, looking at Odin. The man nodded.

“Yeah.”

“Is he my target?” the boy said, looking back at the picture. His heart sank a little. He didn’t want Akemi Todai to be his target. He had such a kind face. 

“Yes…and no. The deal is they think he’s giving information to the Alliance…but they can’t prove anything. He’s really trusted in the Winner family so they won’t investigate him. On top of that, they discourage any other investigations saying it’s an insult to them. There aren’t many people in the colonies who want to insult the Winners.” 

“So my job is to find proof.”

“Or lack of it.”

The boy frowned. He didn’t know how to do that. Odin never taught him anything about that. 

“How?” the boy asked.

“Looking in his computer, searching through his files. I’ll give you some bugs to set around the house.”

“Bugs?” the boy repeated, cocking his head. How would a bug help? “Is Akemi Todai afraid of bugs?” he asked. Odin chuckled.

“I’ll show you, kid.” 

“How am I supposed to infiltrate his house?” 

“Infiltrate?” Odin whistled. “Kid, if you use big words like that you’re not going to be able to infiltrate anything. Remember, you’re six. Act like it.”

The boy nodded. That meant he would have to act little and dumb. He could do it if he had to. If he did this mission right all on his own, Odin would really be proud of him. 

“Anyway,” Odin continued. “Todai is pretty rich and he doesn’t have an heir. Rumor has it that he’s looking around at the orphanages.”  
\---

It was night. He stared at the orphanage through a big iron gate. The tall, dark windows seemed to watch him. The boy clutched the handle of his little suitcase and held the bear closer to him. He slowly glanced at Odin. The man was leaning against the rented car, arms folded.

“How long will I be here?” the boy asked. Odin shrugged.

“I don’t know. I’ll start spreading some rumors…but…” he shrugged again. “I don’t think any longer then a month or so.” The boy looked back at the building. A whole month? He’d never been away from Odin more then a day before. His heart began to beat a little faster and something lumped in his throat. Was…was this what fear felt like?

“What should I do?”

“Well, when they find you in the morning, make up some kind of sob story about how I left you here. Don’t use my name. After that, just lie low. Familiarize yourself with the computer. Try to act like a kid. I’ll keep you posted.”

“Okay,” he said, wondering why his voice was shaking. 

“Anything else you want to ask me before I go?”

“Will you miss me?” the words spilled from his mouth before he thought them. His heart wanted to know. It was a stupid question. Of course he would. Odin was a grownup. Grownup’s were supposed to miss kids when they went away. The man laughed.

“Miss you? Hell no. After three years of lugging you around, having a kid free month is going to be heaven. Don’t tell me you’re going to miss me?”  
“No,” the boy said. _Yes,_ his heart said. He kept forgetting that Odin wasn’t a regular grownup.

“Oh yeah, you’re probably not going to anyway, but don’t look up any more information on Todai. Trust me, kid, it would be really better for you not to know.”

“Okay,” the boy said softly. The car door shut and the engine started. The boy watched it leave out of the corner of his eye, then wiped at his eyes with the back of his hand and clenched it into a fist.

“This is my mission,” he murmured to himself. “I have to do this.” He sat on the cold sidewalk, leaning his back against the fence. Maybe…maybe if he did the mission Odin would love him then. The boy looked at the stars. They weren’t the real stars. Odin said it was just an illusion to make people feel happy. He didn’t care if they weren’t real. Anything that made people happy, real or not, was good. 

The boy curled up on the sidewalk, resting his head on the suitcase and hugging the bear close to him. Then he closed his eyes and slowly drifted to sleep. 

A light touch on his shoulder woke him up. The boy shot up and looked around, heart pounding. He was…outside. Oh… right. He glanced at the person who had touched him. The first thought that struck him was that she was pretty. Her hair was bright yellow, like the sun and pulled into a high ponytail. She had a smiling pink mouth and sparkling sky blue eyes. 

“Hello, little boy,” she said in a soft, kind, tone. The boy immediately trusted her. “What are you doing out here?”

“O…The person I was with told me I had to stay here. He said he didn’t want me around any more,” he said, looking hard at her face and hoping she wouldn’t ask too many questions. The woman’s blue eyes narrowed and for a moment she seemed angry. As soon as it had come, the anger was gone and she was staring at him like she was sad. Sad for him. Her face soon changed again and she was smiling. It was like the sun coming out of the clouds.

“Don’t worry. We’ll take good care of you,” she said, standing. He stood as well, remembering to keep a close hold on the teddy bear.

“My name is Celia Winner,” she said, holding out her hand. The boy looked at it. She had a white hand. He didn’t want to touch her white hand. He might get it dirty. She was looking at him like she expected an answer.

“Hello,” he said, absently wiping his free hand on his shorts. The smile never left her face. 

“Well let’s get you inside shall we?” she said, picking up his suitcase. He followed her inside. He followed her down two halls and up a flight of stairs, trying to remember the layout of the building. He didn’t think he’d have to know it, but Odin always said to find your escape routes just in case. The woman led him to a door marked ‘Office’ and pushed it open, gesturing for him to go first. The office was small. There were two bookshelves on either side of a small window. In the middle of the room was a low table, piled high with papers with a gray box thing in the center. The table was ringed with big, colorful cushions. What he liked best about the room, though, was all the pictures. They were pictures drawn by kids. None of them were really good. But just the thought that she found them important enough to hang them made him feel warm inside. 

“First things first,” Celia said, sitting beside the table. “We have to get you registered.” She smiled at him and patted a cushion beside her. He obediently sat, crossing his legs. She opened the gray box thing and the boy was surprised to find it was a kind of computer. 

“All righty. Now…what’s-” From somewhere under the papers, a phone rang. Celia sighed. “One minute.” 

She moved a pile of papers to the side, picked up the phone and immediately started talking about adult things. The boy looked away, glancing at the pictures. A lot of them had a woman figure with yellow hair. The boy smiled a little. She must be really nice that so many kids loved her. A picture with a big red heart on it caught his eye. Below the heart, written in green, was the name ‘John Smith’. Uh…oh…

“Okay. Sorry about that,” Celia said. “Now, what’s your name?” 

 

The boy’s heart started beating faster. Oh no. What was he supposed to do?! Could he use the same one? Odin had never assigned him any other name then that.   
“John Smith,” he said softly, looking at the table top. _Please work,_ he thought. _Please. Please._ Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Celia frown.

“Did you get that from the picture?”

“N…no,” the boy said. His voice was shaking again. His heart felt like it was going to escape out his throat. What was happening to him? She placed her hand lightly over his. The boy stared. Her hand…her hand was so warm.

“You don’t have to lie. You’re safe here. What’s your name?”

What could he use? What could he use?

“O…Odin Lo-” he cut himself off. No! Odin had told him not to use that name. He hugged the teddy bear without thinking about it and realized his hands were shaking. 

“Are you still lying?” Celia asked. He nodded quickly. What could he tell her? He didn’t have a name! All normal people have names, a small voice inside him said. She won’t like you if you’re not normal. She won’t like you if you don’t have a name. She’ll kick you out and you’ll fail your mission and Odin will be mad. The boy didn’t realize he was crying until the woman brushed her hand against his face. He looked into her pretty sky blue eyes.

“It’s all right,” she said. “It’s okay. Don’t be afraid.”

“I…I don’t have a name,” he whimpered.

“Don’t you remember what your Mommy and Daddy called you?” she asked. He looked down and shrugged. 

“I don’t have a Mommy or Daddy.” 

“What about the person that left you here? What did he call you?”

“Odin calls me kid.” The boy clapped a hand over his mouth. Oh no! He’d used Odin’s name again! Odin was going to be so mad. Her eyes narrowed and she gently took his hand and pushed up his sleeve.

“Did Odin do this to you?” she asked. He looked at the purplish marks on his skin and blinked. That was where Odin had grabbed him. 

“Yes,” he said, pulling his hand away. “But that’s okay because I threw the teddy bear.” 

“I see,” Celia said. She sounded angry…but it didn’t seem to be at him. He looked down at his feet. Odin wasn’t going to be proud of him even if he did complete this mission. 

“Well don’t worry. We can fix you up with a nice name. Look up at me please,” Celia said. The boy obeyed. She put a hand on her chin and leaned a little closer.

“Hmmm,” she said, tilting her head all the way to one side. “Hmmm.” She tilted her head all the way to the other side. The boy smiled. She was a funny grownup.

“You have a kind of Asian look to you,” she said. “So let’s try something Asian. Hmm. Ah!” She snapped her fingers. “What about Heero Yuy? Would you like that?” The boy wrinkled his nose.

“That’s a funny name.”

“Yes it is. But it’s the name of a great man. He was pacifist and was the leader of allll of the colonies.”

“What’s a…packyfist?” he asked. She laughed. 

“Pacifist. A pacifist is someone that hates violence.”

“Violence is like shooting people, right?” 

“Mm-hm.” 

The boy shook his head. He didn’t like shooting people either but… But he couldn’t take the name of someone who didn’t like it. It wouldn’t be right. Besides, she had said that Heero Yuy was a great man. The boy wasn’t a great anything. He was a bad person. Bad people couldn’t be great.

“I don’t want that name.” 

“Why not?”

“It sounds funny,” the boy muttered, looking at his shoes. 

“All right. Let’s see. There are a few good name sites on the Linkup. Let’s see if we can find something that suits you.” He watched her go through the sites. He really liked doing it when Odin taught him. He hoped they would let him do it here. 

“What abouuut….Hikari?” she said.

“Hikari?” the boy repeated. That name…there was something familiar about it…like seeing Odin’s face after a long time. 

“Hikari means light. Would you like that one?” she asked. 

“Yeah!” the boy said. He wasn’t too heavy, so that should be a good name for him. Besides, he liked the way it sounded. 

“All right Hikari.” She brought up another window. It had words then blank boxes to type something in. “Hikari,” she said as she typed. “No middle name.” She hit the tab key and typed ‘Winner’ in the box labeled last name. The boy blinked. 

“Winner?”

“Mm-hm. Even if you don’t have a Mommy or Daddy, being on L-4 means you’re a part of the Winner family.”

“Your last name is Winner too?”

“Yep.”

“Do you have a Mommy or Daddy?”

“I do… And I have twenty-eight sisters,” she said, raising her eyebrows. The boy nodded. She laughed unexpectedly. 

“What?” he asked.

“I was at least expecting a ‘wow’ if nothing else.”

The boy shrugged. He wasn’t sure what sisters were. Odin said that nones were called sisters but that didn’t make any sense. 

“All right, fine, don’t be impressed,” she said with a laugh. “Okay…now. You have brown hair…beautiful cobalt blue eyes and you’re abouuut, eight, right?”

“Six.” 

“Wow really? You’re really mature for your age.”

“Sorry,” the boy said, not sure if mature was a good thing or not. She laughed and patted his hand. He smiled. She laughed a lot. 

“No, no. That’s a good thing. My little brother is a lot like you in that way. He’s only six too. Would you like to see a picture of him?”

“Okay.” 

Celia opened the picture from her computer. There was a little boy, laughing and hanging on to a man’s arm. Celia was smiling at the picture. A smile that he could remember someone giving him a long time ago. 

“You love him don’t you?” the boy asked. Celia nodded.

“Very much. He’s the baby of the family so it’s hard not to love him. He’s so friendly too, and bright…and sweet.”

“What’s his name?”

“Quatre. Quatre Raberba… Isn’t that such a pretty combination?” She stared at the picture a bit longer, then sighed and clicked the computer closed.  
“Anyway, let’s get you situated Hikari. I’m sure you’ll love it here.” 

The boy looked into her blue eyes and smiled. With her here…he was sure he would love it.


	5. Ice Blue Eyes: Part II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boy tries to cope with his new environment and makes an interesting new friend.

“That’ll be all for today. Remember, third graders have homework due Monday. Have a nice weekend you guys,” Miss Celia said, smiling. The boy smiled back at her. He really liked Miss Celia. She taught the class for kindergarten through third grade so he got to see her every day. She always had a smile just for him. 

Since he was only in second grade, he shoved his books in his desk, stood and ran for the computer lab. The orphanage had about eight computers, but only one which was reserved for the little kids. He barreled down a hall and galumphed down the steps taking two at a time. When he reached the bottom he made a sharp turn, sneakers shrieking on the white linoleum, and pounded his way to the computer lab. Suddenly something tripped him. 

The boy stumbled and fell on his hands and knees. There was the sound of laughing above him and the boy narrowed his eyes. It was them. He stood and glared at the group of teenagers. There were three of them, all boys. Although they picked on everyone younger then them, the boy seemed to have become their favorite target.

“Where do you think you’re going, dweeb?” Dakeem, the leader, asked. The boy turned and headed for the computer lab. Sometimes if he ignored them, they left him alone. A hand grabbed his arm and roughly turned him around. 

“Don’t walk away from me like your not scared!” the teenager snarled. “I know better then that you little dork.” Dakeem pulled back his fist. The boy stared at him. Dakeem almost always pulled his punches. He was really stupid. Threatening but never doing anything. The boy sighed.

“If you’re going to hit me, do it.”

“You asked for it brat!” Dakeem punched him in jaw, turning the boy’s head to the side. The boy looked back at him. A little pain was nothing and Dakeem couldn’t hit very hard anyway. 

“That…that kid isn’t human!” one of Dakeem’s friend’s said. “He’s not even crying.”

“I’ll make him cry,” Dakeem said, pulling back his fist again. 

“Dakeem!” a woman snapped. The boy smiled as Miss Celia came into view. The teenager let the boy go. Miss Celia came up to them, an angry frown on her face. Miss Celia was really nice, but when she got mad even the big boys got scared. She stood between the boy and the teenager and folded her arms. 

“What have I told you about hitting people? I know you’ve had a hard time but that’s no excuse for taking it out on everyone else. Especially those who are younger then you.” 

“He told us to hit him,” one of Dakeem’s friends said. 

“Yeah, he did,” the other friend agreed.

“You three are confined to your rooms for the weekend…and Dakeem, I’m putting you on lavatory duty.”

“Aww… but Miss Celia.”

“No arguing.” 

The teenagers walked away, muttering to themselves. Miss Celia turned to the boy and a concerned look was on her pretty face. Her fingers lightly brushed his cheek, bringing with them the scent of honeysuckle. Miss Celia was so wonderful. 

“Come on, Hikari. I’ll take you to the nurse,” she said, holding out her hand. The boy shook his head.

“I don’t need to go.” 

“Are you sure?” she asked, her concerned frown deepening. 

“I’m fine. It’s just a bruise.”

“You’re being such a big boy about this.” The pretty smile was back on Miss Celia’s face. “Every time I think I know you, you turn around and surprise me again.” Yay! He made Miss Celia smile. The boy glowed with pride. Miss Celia smiled a lot but not everyone could make her smile. He was special! 

“So what were you up to?” she asked him.

“I was going to the computer lab.”

“You’re always in the computer lab. Why don’t you go outside and play?” Miss Celia put a light hand on his shoulder. The boy looked down and kicked the floor a little with his shoe. 

“Don’ wanna.”

“Why not?”

“Nobody likes me,” he muttered. The woman laughed softly.

“It’s only been two weeks, Hikari. Give them a chance. I’m sure you’ll make friends soon enough. Now go outside. It’s such a beautiful day and it would be a pity to waste it.”

The boy obeyed. He didn’t really want too…but Miss Celia had told him to do it. He would do almost anything for Miss Celia. The playground was full of kids of all ages. The really little ones were playing in the sandbox and all the older kids were grouped around the basketball court doing older kid things. A group of kids around his age were bouncing a red ball around. He watched them for a while. He’d never asked if he could join before. Maybe if he asked, they would let him play. Then maybe they’d be his friends. He came closer and folded his hands behind his back.

“Can I play?” he asked, looking up at them shyly. The kids stopped playing and looked at each other uncertainly. One of the kids shrugged a little and looked like he was about to say yes. A girl with long pigtails interrupted him.

“No, you can’t,” she said.

“Why not?” the boy asked.

“’Cuz you’re a Winner orphan. You don’t have a last name.”

“I heard he doesn’t even have a real first name,” an older boy said. 

“I bet you don’t have any real parents either!” the girl said, tossing her pigtails.

“Yeah, you were probably made in a test tube just like all the other Winners,” said the older boy. “’Cept that they didn’t want you. ‘Cuz you’re a reject!”   
The girl laughed. 

“Yeah! So get out of here reject!” she said. The boy sighed and walked away, kicking the dirt. He’d read about test tube babies on the linkup. It said that some people didn’t like test tube babies because they weren’t natural. But if the babies grew up to look like regular kids, what difference did it make? He went to his usual spot by the chain link fence and sat, tucking his legs underneath him. Leaning back against the fence, he titled his head back to look at the sky. It was a pretty day. But no clouds. The boy watched the empty blue sky for a while and listened to the kids playing. Then he heard footsteps. Someone was walking on the sidewalk beside the fence…and coming closer. The person stopped right where the boy was and the fence bulged a bit as the person leaned against it.

“How are you doing, kid?” 

The boy’s heart leapt at the sound of Odin’s voice. It had been such a long time! He’d almost forgotten what Odin’s face looked like. He started to sit up.

“I’m not anyone you know,” Odin said. “I’m just a man leaning against the fence.” Oh. The boy rested back against the fence and returned his gaze to the sky.

“No one likes me here,” the boy said. 

“Who cares? You don’t have to be liked to blend in. You’re doing a good job so far, kid.”

“I like Miss Celia though! She’s really pretty and nice and sweet,” the boy said, beaming.   
“Don’t get too attached. Remember, you’ve got a mission to do.”

The boy looked hard at the ground. Oh right. The mission. What was it again? The boy wrinkled his nose, trying to remember. Oh yeah. He had to get information from some guy with a funny name… Akeem something. 

“Is your teddy bear in a safe place?” Odin asked. The boy gritted his teeth. Uh-oh! He didn’t know! He’d forgotten all about it. He could almost remember seeing it on his bed but he wasn’t too sure. 

“Kiiid?” Odin said in an almost angry voice.

“I…it’s safe,” the boy said.

“It better be. If anyone finds what’s in that thing…”

“Th…they won’t.”

“Good. Anyway, kid, I just came to tell you that it might just take a month after all. Todai decided to go to L-1.”   
L-1? That was the colony the boy was from. He could remember Odin telling him long ago.

“Why’d he go there?” 

“I don’t know. Something about visiting his daughter’s grave. He’ll be back in a week or two. I’ll come and tell you when he’s back. Until then, just stay here and try not to get   
yourself adopted.”

\---

Not there. Not there, not there. The boy sat, panting. He glanced blindly at the clothes littered around the floor and the tangled bed sheets. The teddy bear was gone. He put a hand to his forehead and shut his eyes tightly. He couldn’t lose it! If Odin found out… 

Suddenly a loud bell rang through the school, making the boy’s heart jump. Before he quite realized it, he was on his feet, hands clenched. The bell rang again. The boy forced himself to relax. It was just the dinner bell. He looked around the small room again. Everyone was supposed to go to dinner. Miss Celia would be upset with him if he was late. Maybe…maybe the teddy bear would turn up after dinner. 

He went down to the cafeteria. He sat in his usual place among the other little kids. They ignored him for the most part, even though he was in the middle. Their silly talk flew back and forth around him. Someone said this which made someone else say that. Someone had a crush on someone else. Some new video game was better then all the other video games. Sometimes the boy wished he could join their conversation, but he never had anything to say. So the boy ate his food in peace and listened. Suddenly someone smacked him hard in the back of the head. 

“Hey, dweeb!” said a familiar voice. The boy turned and glared at Dakeem. The cheerful talk around the table died down as the teenagers loomed over them. The little kids   
were afraid of them, but the boy wasn’t. What could they do to him besides hurt him? 

“Hey, all you little twerps want to know something? This little baby sleeps with a teddy bear,” Dakeem said, pointing a finger at the boy. 

“A teddy bear?” another kid said.

“The reject sleeps with a teddy bear!” 

The boy narrowed his eyes, ignoring the comments that flew around him. The teddy bear… Dakeem must have stolen it while the boy was outside. The teenager grinned, knowing he had the upper hand.

“Awww… is he mad cuz now everyone knows what a loser is?” Dakeem asked in a baby voice. The boy stood.

“Give it back,” he said, holding out his hand. The teenager leaned closer to him, his tanned face nearly pressed against the boy’s own. Dakeem wasn’t smiling any longer.

“How are you going to make me, dweeb?”

The boy stared at the teenager. Then put his index finger against Dakeem’s head like a gun.

“Bang,” he whispered, staring straight into Dakeem’s eyes. The teenager stood up so fast that the boy’s nail scraped his forehead a little. Dakeem put a hand behind his head and laughed. 

“Oh you’re going to shoot me? Yeah, like I’m afraid of you.”

“You’re sweating,” the boy said, and it was true. A little droplet of sweat was rolling down the teenager’s cheek. Dakeem’s smile abruptly disappeared.

“You think you’re so smart, don’tcha?” He pulled a folded up piece of paper from his pocket and waved it around. “If you want your stupid bear back…” He slapped the note into the boy’s hand. 

“Boys…” said Old Mrs. Azul, waddling up to them. She was the school nurse and fatter then anyone the boy had ever seen. “I know you like to talk to your friends but you had   
better sit down,” she said, smiling her big lipped smile. “Miss Celia wants to make an announcement.”

Dakeem walked away with his group. Mrs. Azul smiled at the boy.

“It’s so nice that you’re finally making friends here, Hikari,” she said. The boy shook his head and sat down. Mrs. Azul didn’t understand anything. The old nurse tapped his shoulder lightly. When she had finally waddled away, the boy started to open the note. Fingers grasped the edge of the paper but the boy tightened his grip, preventing it from being taken from him.

“Why don’t we see what little note you got?” It was the girl from the playground. The boy glared at her. Her mean face disappeared after a moment and she pulled her hand away. When the others looked at her in surprise, she tossed her hair.

“It’s probably stupid anyway.”

The boy held the letter closer to him and opened it. Dakeem’s writing was surprisingly neat. The boy wouldn’t think that a big idiot like him even knew how to spell his own name. 

‘Meet us tomorrow night by the oak tree if you want your bear back. If you don’t do what we say we’ll tear it apart. And don’t go squealing or we’ll tear it apart anyway. Got that, dweeb?’ 

The boy clenched his hand. If they did tear it apart… How could he have let that happen? How could he have let the teddy bear be stolen? That was dumb. Odin said that it was dumb mistakes that lead to getting killed. 

The high pitched whine of a microphone filled the room, distracting the boy from his thoughts. Miss Celia was standing behind it. The boy forgot his problems for a moment as he watched her. 

“I’m sorry to tell you all, but next week’s fun day has been canceled.” A groan went up from around the room. The boy wasn’t fooled though. Her eyes were dancing above her little frown. She had a surprise for them.

“I’m afraid you all will just have to have it tomorrow.” Cheering. Mostly from the boy’s table. Miss Celia let it go on for a bit more, then held up her hand, a signal for everyone to be quiet. Even though all the kids liked Miss Celia and listened to what she said, it took the room a moment to calm down. She didn’t seem to mind. Miss Celia never seemed to   
mind.

“I have another surprise for you. Tomorrow, Mr. Winner is coming to visit us.”

There was a kind of quiet around the room then. The kids at his table didn’t seem to understand. But the teenagers were muttering among themselves. Finally a teenager raised his hand.

“Yes?”

“You…you mean the real Mr. Winner, right?” 

“Of course,” Miss Celia said with a laugh. “It’s been so long since his last visit, he wants to see how you all are doing.” The teenagers started talking among themselves again, louder this time. Miss Celia stepped down from the small platform. Soon the room was as loud as ever. The boy read the note again. He couldn’t help but wonder what Dakeem would have him do. Whatever it was, he would do it. He wouldn’t let them ruin his first mission. He wouldn’t let Odin down.

\---

Fun day was held in the gymnasium. It had all sorts of games and snacks and even a clown that made balloon animals. The boy sat down on a swing and stared at the ground between his feet. It wasn’t any fun for him. Everyone else was with their friends. Even Dakeem had been excused from his punishment. The boy sighed. Maybe some people weren’t meant to have friends. 

The playground was quiet. So quiet. He was glad. He didn’t want to be in there where kids were laughing. It made him want to join. It was so quiet he could hear the door open. It was probably someone looking for him. A teacher maybe. Or maybe even Miss Celia. He hoped not. He didn’t want to see Miss Celia right now. He didn’t want to see anyone right now. 

The footsteps that came down the stone steps into the hard packed playground dirt didn’t sound like an adult. It didn’t even sound like Dakeem. It was a kid. The boy sighed. Probably the girl again. She started teasing him lately too. He kicked his feet and waited for the teasing to come. Instead, a strange thing happened, there was a small sigh and the swing next to him squealed a bit. 

“I hate it in there,” said a strange voice. The boy looked over, not moving his eyes up, and saw a pair of really shiny black shoes. He didn’t know anyone around here who had shiny black shoes.

“They either love me because I’m rich or hate me for the same reason,” the kid continued. It was as if the kid hadn’t even noticed the boy was there. The boy looked up into the kid’s face. It was a boy too, with blond hair and blue-green eyes. The blond boy smiled at him.

“Hi! My name is Quatre Raberba Winner. What’s yours?” 

“H…Hikari,” the boy said, a little startled by the change in attitude. Quatre leaned his head against the chain of the swing and glanced at him.

“So why aren’t you in there with your friends? Why are you out here all alone?”

“I don’t have friends,” the boy said, looking away. 

“Oh.” There was another little squeak as Quatre started to swing. 

“I don’t have any friends either,” the blond continued. “There’s no one to play with at home. Except for Nanny Ellen. She’s not much fun though.”

“Neither is Odin,” the boy muttered to himself. Whether Quatre heard this or not, he didn’t comment. Instead, the squeaking increased as the blond went higher.

“Why don’t you swing, Hikari?” Quatre asked. The boy’s face grew hot and he stared hard at the ground. He couldn’t swing. All normal kids could. But he wasn’t normal. 

“Can’t,” the boy muttered. Quatre dragged his feet across the ground, getting dust all over his shoes. When he finally stopped, the boy could feel him staring.

“You don’t know how to swing?” 

“No.” 

Quatre laughed. It wasn’t a mean laugh like Dakeem’s. Or even like Odin’s angry laugh. It was nice…just like Miss Celia’s. 

“I can teach you how to swing. It’s so easy! I’m sure you can do it,” Quatre said brightly. The boy straightened and watched what Quatre did.

“First,” the blond said. “You have to stand up but still kind of sit on the swing. Just go up as far as you can without actually standing.” The boy did so. Quatre nodded.

“Then, you lift your feet up and you’ll go forward. Then, when you start to go back again, just sit up, like this.” Quatre swung a few times, then put his feet back on the ground and smiled encouragingly. 

“Now you try!” 

At first, it was a little hard to get it right. But pretty soon, the boy was flying. Baack and fooorth. Baack and fooorth. The wind sung through his hair and the sun smiled on his face. Quatre swung beside him. They swung together for a bit, then the boy started going back when Quatre was going forward. The blond was laughing and, the boy realized, so was he. He hadn’t really laughed in a loooong time.

“You can do something else fun too!” Quatre said.

“What?”

“Let gooo!” And with that, Quatre flew off the swing and landed, butt first, on the ground. The boy let go too. For a second he was flying. Then he was on hands and knees,   
the wind almost knocked out of him.

Next they went on the spinny-twirly. Quatre couldn’t spin it really fast with someone on it, so the boy spun him. He ran around with the spinny-twirly as fast as he could, and then jumped on. They went around and around and around, laughing for the pure fun of laughing. Finally, the spinny-twirly creaked to a stop. 

“Again?” the boy asked. Quatre shook his head, laughing so hard he couldn’t speak. Quatre slid off the spinny-twirly, stumbled for a bit, then landed on the ground, spreading his arms out and gazing at the sky. The boy stumbled to lie beside him. The clouds were spinning. It was quiet for a long time. But a nice quiet.

“Master Quatre!” a man called. The blond heaved a sigh and sat up, his face suddenly cold.

“What?” he asked. His voice was different too. The boy stared at him. Was this really the same person?

“Master Quatre! There you are! Your father has been really worried about you.”

“I didn’t think he would notice,” Quatre said, standing and brushing off his pants. “Or is it time for us to play ‘happy family’ again?”

“Master Quatre,” the man said. It almost sounded like the man was scolding him. Quatre looked down at the boy and a little smile lifted his face.

“I’ll see you again Hikari. I don’t know how, but I’ll arrange it. You’re really fun!” 

The boy propped himself up on his elbows and watched Quatre walk away. Then he laid back down and closed his eyes. The sun was warm. But it would be night soon. The thought made him frown. He was supposed to meet Dakeem tonight. Meet him to get the teddy bear back. Even if he didn’t really want what was inside it anymore, he needed to make Odin proud.


	8. Ice Blue Eyes: Part III

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In some ways, the boy loves his home, but his real life is never that far away.

It was night. The crickets chirped softly in the grass. Fireflies rose into the soft air. In font of the boy a ladder rested against the high oak. He couldn’t see anything in the shadowy branches where it ended. Dakeem and his friends had surrounded him. They were trying to cut off his escape. If he wanted to, the boy could have easily gotten away.

“It’s up there. On the branch right above the ladder. Go and get it dweeb. That is, if you’re not scared,” Dakeem said. The boy looked at them. By the grins on their faces he could tell they were hiding something. Unfortunately they had two things on him. There were more of them and they had the teddy bear. The boy started to climb the ladder. 

When he was about halfway up, the ladder began to shake violently. The boy hugged it, lightly banging his head against the metal rung. Below him, the teenagers laughed.

“Don’t fall, little dork!” one of the teenagers said.

“Yeah. You might get blood all over the tree when you splat,” Dakeem said. 

And you might get blood on your shirt when I shoot a hole through your head, the boy thought. The anger behind the thought surprised him. He’d never felt angry before. Not in this way. Suddenly he could see the picture in his mind. Him lifting the gun. Dakeem’s eyes going wide with surprise. Then BAM. A perfect, round, hole right through his brown forehead. 

He scrambled onto the branch above the ladder. The stuffed animal wasn’t there. Not that he really expected it to be. There was a scraping noise. The boy turned just in time to see the ladder being taken away. He glared at the teenagers. They were laughing again. The anger curled up in him. Hot fire burning his throat. Dakeem held up the teddy bear.

“Missing something? If you want it back, you’re gonna have to jump.” 

The boy was out of the tree before Dakeem had even finished the words. His feet hit the ground first. There was a popping noise and suddenly he found himself rolled up on the grass, clutching his ankle. The teenagers loomed over him. 

“He actually did it,” one of them whispered. 

“Man, Dakeem, if Miss Celia finds out we’re gonna be in deep,” another teenager said. Dakeem’s eyes narrowed. The boy sat up, still absently clutching his ankle.

“Give me the bear,” he said. Dakeem folded his arms.

“How do we know you’re not going to squeal?”

“I won’t,” the boy said, slowly getting to his feet. He held out his hand for the bear. Dakeem smirked.

“No. I think I’ll keep this. Just in case you might be…tempted.” 

The boy rammed his fist into Dakeem’s stomach, putting his whole weight behind the punch. The teenager fell to his knees, dropping the teddy bear. All the world seemed to go silent as the boy watched the toy fall slowly to the ground. If it went off. If it went off…. The teddy bear hit the grass. Nothing happened. The boy’s heart started to beat again. He picked up the bear by the arm. 

“You…little….brat,” Dakeem wheezed. The boy glared at him. Wanting to shoot him. Wanting to see him fall and not move. Wanting it…but knowing he couldn’t. Not now…

Instead, the boy limped away. His ankle was on fire. He must have broken it. Just the simple act of walking made sweat trail down his face. Once inside the building, the boy leaned against the wall, wincing a little. It was a tradition, Odin said. The boy simply could not get past a mission without breaking something. Fortunately, Odin had always been there to put the bone on course again. The man had even shown him how. The boy had never tried it though. Miss Celia might be able to help. 

The boy shoved that thought from his mind almost as soon as it had entered. He’d have to tell her what happened. If Dakeem got into trouble again, he’d only be worse. So there was no other option, he would have to try and set it himself. But in his room, where no one could walk in on him. He turned the corner and came face to face with Miss Celia. Her blue eyes were wide with surprise. The boy froze. He was caught. Getting caught meant getting into trouble. 

“Hikari! What are you doing up?” she said. He shrugged and looked at his feet. 

“Mrs. Azul said she heard some children playing outside her window. Was that you?”

The boy shrugged again. Miss Celia came closer. 

“You looked bruised. And what happened to your ankle? It looks swollen. Hikari, you have to tell me what happened.

“I fell,” the boy said. Which was true enough. 

“You have to tell me the truth.” Miss Celia knelt to his eye level. “I can’t help you unless you tell me.” She sounded so worried. Worried about him. The boy remained silent. He couldn’t risk any more trouble with Dakeem. For a long time, no one said anything. After a while, she sighed.

“Very well. I’m sorry to have to do this, but there is very strong evidence that you were playing outside. You’re grounded to your room for a week. That means no playing outside, no computer lab, no library. Unless…you can tell me what happened.” 

The boy shook his head and started to limp back to his room. He would have to find something there to bind his ankle up.

“Don’t you want Mrs. Azul to look at your ankle?” Miss Celia asked. The boy didn’t stop walking. 

“No. It’s just a sprain…,” he muttered. 

“Well we’ll see how it is tomorrow.”

\---

The boy absently kicked his legs as he waited. It was brilliantly sunny outside but the hospital’s small window didn’t let half of the light in. He glanced around the room. He was so used to places like these. More often then not, this was where he was at the end of a mission. Especially if he’d gotten separated from Odin. He never stayed in one long though. That was dangerous.

Miss Celia was sitting by the door. She had a magazine open, but every now and then she would look at him. The boy clutched the teddy bear in memory. He still hadn’t told her what Dakeem had done. She was suspicious, he knew, but unless he told her, she couldn’t prove anything. He wished he didn’t have to hide from her. He didn’t like hiding things from Miss Celia. But what if Dakeem stole the bear again? Or worse. What if he tore it up and found the gun? Having no lab time was a small price to pay. 

After what seemed like forever, the door creaked open and a doctor came in. The boy eyed the stethoscope. He hated those things. They were always so cold. He relaxed a little when the man didn’t use it. Instead, he looked at his clipboard and adjusted his thick glasses.

“Well ma’am. It appears this lad has had some fall. His right ankle is broken in two places.” 

“Oh,” Miss Celia said with a gasp. The boy frowned. That wasn’t right. The bone should be set. He’d done it last night. Or at least he’d tried. He might have done it wrong though. 

“Not to worry though. Kids patch up fast,” the man said with a small smile. “We’ll just slap a cast on him. He’ll be right as rain in a few weeks.” The doctor rifled through his notes and frowned.

“Is there something else wrong?” Miss Celia asked.

“You say that you know nothing of his past, Miss Winner?” 

“No. He just arrived two weeks ago. He hasn’t told us much.”

“It’s a good thing he found his way to you. This poor boy looks like he’s had his bones reset many times. Looks like he had quite a violent history.” 

“Yes…” Miss Celia said. They were both giving him thoughtful, grownup, looks. The boy squirmed uncomfortably. He hoped that the doctor didn’t know how he’d gotten his bones broken. He would get in so much trouble. The sad smile that crossed Miss Celia’s face made the boy relax. 

“Anyway, the nurse will be in here soon to get his cast ready. You, Mister Hikari, had better take more care in the future,” the doctor said, ruffling his hair. When he left, Miss Celia patted the boy’s hand.

“It’s going to be okay. My room is on your floor. How about this, we’ll buy some special food for my little refrigerator. That way, you won’t have to go downstairs to eat.” 

The boy smiled and nodded. He would like that very much. It would just be him and Miss Celia. It would be special. Just thinking about it made the rest of the hospital visit fly by. Soon they were at the supermarket. Miss Celia hadn’t wanted him to come at first, be he’d convinced her. Miss Celia was the only good thing about the orphanage. The bad thing was that he had to use a crutch. He’d never needed to use one before. People kept staring at him and giving him sad looks. He was beginning to get annoyed with that.

“So what kind of cereal would you like?” Miss Celia asked.

“Chocolate!” the boy said automatically. The woman laughed.

“How did I see that coming? All right. Chocolate it is.” 

“Yay!” The boy hobbled down the rows of cereal. There was this one that was really really good. Odin had let him have some once. Odin never let him have it again though. He’d said something about the boy bouncing off the walls. The boy hadn’t bounced off any walls that he could remember. 

Suddenly there it was. A big gold box with a funny looking bear over a bowl of cereal. Chocolate Space Blasts. And there was one… box… left… The boy reached for it. A big hand closed over the box just as his fingers brushed the cardboard. Heeey! He looked up. Odin looked down at him, eyes amused.

“You know, you really don’t need this, kid. It’ll rot your teeth.”

“Yes it will,” Miss Celia said, smiling at the boy. “But you know children.”

“Yeah, guess I do,” Odin said, handing the box to him. The boy watched Odin walk away. The man wanted to meet with him. Otherwise he wouldn’t have talked. How could he get away from Miss Celia though? He hobbled back to the cart and dropped the box in.

“Now let’s see. We need some milk.” Miss Celia said.

“I’ll get it! I know where it is.” 

“Are you sure?” 

“I can do it,” the boy said with a smile. “I really can! Pleaaase?” She laughed. 

“All right Hikari. It’s good to see you so animated again.” 

Odin met him en route, falling in step casually beside him. The boy slowed his pace a little. Was it time for his mission now? The boy didn’t want his mission now. He wanted to stay with Miss Celia. Odin chuckled and the boy looked up at him.

“Just couldn’t help it…huh kid? You had to break something.” The boy shrugged. It would not be a good idea to talk about this to Odin. The man would probably be really mad. Especially since he’d promised not to forget about the teddy bear.

“Who was that kid by the way?” Odin asked. 

“What kid?”

“The kid you were playing with yesterday.” 

“Quatre.” The boy beamed. “He’s really nice! He’s my friend…” the boy trailed off as Odin’s eyes widened. The man stopped walking and looked at him full in the face. 

“You…you don’t mean Quatre as in Quatre Winner do you?” 

“Yeeaah…” the boy said. Strong fingers wrapped around his arm again. The boy stared. Odin was mad. Really mad.

“You little idiot!” he snarled in a low voice. “Didn’t I teach you anything?”

“Wh…what?” the boy said, trying to struggle out of his grip.

“I don’t care how good a shot you are. You’re still a kid and if you let something slip and that kid tells his father…. Not only would we get into trouble, our entire organization could be exposed. I don’t know about you but I don’t want to be killed.” 

People were starting to stare at them. Odin suddenly let him go. The expression on the man’s face made the boy shiver inside. He wasn’t angry anymore. Instead, his green eyes were cold. It was like looking into the mouth of a gun. If he messed up…. Odin was going to do something terrible. 

“Hey!” Miss Celia called. Odin walked away. The boy watched him leave. Miss Celia started talking to him, asking him questions. He didn’t pay attention. Odin was going to do something bad. Something really bad. The boy looked into Miss Celia’s kind blue eyes. He didn’t want anyone to get hurt, especially not her. But…but Odin wouldn’t shoot her. She was part of the Winner family. Odin would never shoot someone so powerful unless he was contracted to. There was no denying the look he had though. That look he only used when he was getting ready to shoot someone. The boy looked down at the tiled floor. Quatre was his best friend. His only friend… But assassins weren’t supposed to have any friends. No friends, no family. No one at all.

\----

This place was magical. Happy music floated in the air, along with the sounds of whirring machinery and laughing, screaming people. Everywhere were colorful stands, with all sorts of stuffed animals in them. A Ferris wheel stood in the very center. Other rides were grouped around it. They had names like: “The Hurl Whirl” and “Space Swings.” The boy gaped. He’d never seen anything like this. There was a kind laugh above him.

“Do you like it?”

“This must be where the fairies live,” the boy said, looking up at the blond woman. She laughed again.

“Maybe.” 

This place looked fun. Still, the boy wondered why she had taken him here. It had been a week and a half since the incident with Dakeem. The boy had been in Miss Celia’s company a lot lately. By the way she looked so excited; he could tell this day was special. But why here? And why were they just standing around?

“This carnival is in honor of my father’s birthday. We used to have carnivals and things all the time when I was little. But the Alliance changed all that. Now this is the only time we have to play.” 

“Can we do something?”

“In a bit,” Miss Celia said, looking at her watch. “Master Quatre will be here soon.” 

“Really?! Quatre?!” Yay! It had been so long since he’d last seen him! Then the boy remembered what he’d been told to do. He had to stop being friends with Quatre. Odin said so. Maybe… Maybe Odin wouldn’t do anything. And the boy would be careful! He could still have a friend. This livened his spirits and he was back to smiling. Then it hit him what Miss Celia had said.

“Isn’t…Quatre your brother Miss Celia?” 

“Mm-hmm.” 

“Oh…” The boy blinked. That was confusing. There were lots of brothers and sisters at the orphanage. None of them ever called the other one master. He’d heard them call their siblings other names. Maybe Miss Celia was talking about a different kind of brother…or something. 

“By the way.” Miss Celia bent so she was closer to his ear. “Don’t tell Quatre who I am okay? I mean, that I’m his sister.”

“Why not?”

“Because he doesn’t need to know.” She sighed and straightened. “I guess Father doesn’t want him to become overwhelmed with family. I can understand I guess but… Sometimes I think he just wants to keep Quatre for himself.” She smiled down at the boy, blue eyes dancing. “Not that I blame him.” 

“Hikari!” a bright, happy voice called. The boy smiled without even trying. Quatre was running up to him, something snuggled in his arms. 

“Hi,” the boy said, trying to see what his friend had. It was a yellow…thing…with a big red bow around its neck. Quatre’s smile widened.

“I heard you got hurt, so I got you something.” He held the thing out to the boy with both hands. The boy was so stunned; all he could do was stare. Quatre was…giving him something? Like…a birthday present. Quatre frowned.

“You…you don’t like it?”

“I do!” the boy said, setting the teddy bear on the ground and taking the stuffed animal. It looked almost like a horse. But the face was wrong. Instead of hooves it had big yellow feet. The boy turned the thing over in his hands.

“What is it?” he asked. Quatre giggled.

“It’s a camel! They live in the desert. That’s a place on earth with lots and lots of sand.” 

“Thank you…” the boy said, staring into the camel’s odd face. This was the most special thing in the world. Specialer then anything. The boy was so caught up by the camel, he didn’t even notice when Miss Celia took the teddy bear. He didn’t realize it until she spoke.

“I’d better take that too. You don’t want to lose it.” 

The boy nodded. It was a smart decision. He frowned at the teddy bear. He didn’t want to lose that here… But… He wasn’t sure if he wanted to let Miss Celia take care of it. She smiled.

“Don’t worry. I won’t let anything happen to Mr. Bear. You two go play… And be careful with your ankle.”

The boy nodded. Pretty soon, him and Quatre were walking through the carnival. A lot of people were smiling at them. People called out Quatre’s name too, but he didn’t seem to hear them. 

“So where do you want to go first?” Quatre asked. “The rides are the same every year. But now I’m old enough to go on the Hurl Whirl.” 

“That sounds like fun,” the boy said. Quatre smiled, then looked down at the boy’s ankle and frowned. The boy shook his head. “Don’t worry. I’ll be fine.”

“Are you sure? Miss Celia did say to be careful.”

“I’ll be okay. Let’s go!” 

“Yeah!”

The Hurl Whirl made the spinny-twirly seem to stand still. It went up and down and back and forth and spun around on its side. At first, the boy was a little alarmed at Quatre’s screaming. Then he realized he was just doing it for fun and screamed too. When the ride was over, the boy stumbled so much he could barely walk. Quatre put an arm around him to help steady him. Together, the two weaved their way through the crowds. They got big cones of fluffy blue stuff. It looked like the stuff clouds were made of. When he said this, Quatre only giggled and told him it was cotton candy. After that, they went on the Hurl Whirl, then the Zero Gravity chamber, then the Hurl Whirl. By the time of their last ride, the boy’s ankle was throbbing. He didn’t care. He was having too much fun.

“This is wonderful!” Quatre said. “I’ve never had so much fun Hikari!” 

“Me either!” 

They stopped by a place selling ice cream. A man in a black suit stood there. The boy stared at him. A security guard. The boy scanned the crowds and spotted four more. 

“Don’t mind them,” Quatre said, licking his ice cream and getting chocolate on his nose. “They follow me everywhere.” 

The boy understood. Quatre was the heir to the Winner estate. He was really valuable. As they went through the carnival, he spotted six more. They were all inside the carnival though. That was stupid. Buildings were all around them. Someone with good aim could shoot him from a high window. Unless of course they had all ready secured the premises. The boy glanced up at the buildings. No assassin lurked in the empty windows. Something made him turn and what he saw made his heart stop. Peering from the window was the muzzle of a rifle. An assassin’s rifle. Odin. It was trained on Quatre. The boy knew it. Through the telescopic lens, the boy knew Odin could clearly see his face. He shook his head. Don’t shoot him, he begged silently. Please. 

The gun moved. Just a slight shift. But what it said to the boy was louder then words. If he didn’t stop being friends with Quatre… But… But what could he do!? He couldn’t just say he didn’t want to be friends! Quatre would never believe him! He had to do something. Then he knew. It hurt. But he knew what he had to say. 

“Is there something wrong?” Quatre asked. The boy turned to face his friend. He could feel the rifle’s presence. A prickling across the back of his neck. The boy balled up his fist and punched Quatre hard across the face. Quatre fell, staring up at him with wide eyes. Silence descended over the carnival and the boy knew he was going to get into trouble. Quatre put a hand to his cheek.

“H…Hikari…”

“You’re a reject.” The boy wanted to yell, but his voice came out hard. Cold. Like Odin’s eyes. “You’re a test tube baby. You’re not natural. I hate people like you.” 

Quatre’s lower lip trembled and his eyes filled up with tears. The boy looked away. A woman walked up to him. One he didn’t know. Had never seen. Her lips were in a thin line and her eyes were livid. She lifted her hand and slapped him, hard. His head was ringing but he could still hear her angry voice.

“How dare you hurt, Master Quatre!” she snapped. Then everything happened. Rough hands grabbed at him and soon he found himself surrounded by angry adult faces. 

“You aren’t worthy to kiss his boots you little punk!” a man snapped. Another stinging slap ran across his cheek. The other adults started yelling at him. Calling him names. A large hand smacked across the back of his head, another one upside his ear. 

“Stop!” Quatre said. Amazingly, the adults quieted down. The boy didn’t think anyone would ever listen to a kid. The adults parted a little and the boy could see Quatre. His eyes were like ice. 

“Let him go,” Quatre said.

“But…Master Quatre,” a woman said.

“Now.” This order was obeyed too. Quatre walked up to him. The adults parted and moved aside. The boy suddenly felt very alone. He knew the punch was coming before it connected. He was surprised to find himself on the ground though. He didn’t think the blond could punch that hard. The boy looked up at him. Quatre was angry. Very angry. But tears were running down his face. 

“I hate people like you. I do. But you know what? If I die, then they can make more copies of me. But if I kill you, you’re just going to be dead. What do you think about that?”

The boy got to his feet. All he felt was cold inside. He stared into Quatre’s eyes. 

“I think you should kill me. My life isn’t worth anything anyway.” The words came from his heart. They were a little scary…but they were true. He lived in hiding. No name. No family. No past. No future. If he was dead, who would care? 

Quatre smiled a little. But it was an angry smile. Like Odin did. 

“My life isn’t worth anything either. Looks like we have something in common, huh?”

“Master Quatre!” someone said. 

“Shut up. I want to go home.” He walked off. The boy watched him go. It didn’t matter though… How he was born. Quatre was a good person. The people defended him. Not because they had to, but because they loved him. Quatre shone and didn’t even know it. Not like the boy. Inside, all the boy had was darkness and nightmares. 

But at least now, he knew what he had to do. The mission. The mission was the only reason he existed. He had to gather information on Akemi Todai, and perhaps even shoot him. It wasn’t a problem. It was what he was born for. 

\---

The boy stared out the window. Miss Celia was angry. He’d never seen her this angry. She was actually shouting. 

“I am very, very disappointed in you! How could you even say something like that?! Quatre is lonely enough as it is!” She slammed her hand on the steering wheel. The boy watched her out of the corner of his eye. She was crying. A part of him wanted to cry too.

“How could you do that? Pretend to be his friend and just…just…rip his heart out! How could you be so heartless? You must have no feelings to do that! You’re nothing but a cruel little monster!”

Silence followed that. The boy leaned his cheek against the cool glass. Oh well. She’d loved him for a while. It was more then he could ever remember having. 

“Hi…Hikari?” she said in a near whisper. “Hikari? I…I’m sorry. I…I just…”

“My name isn’t Hikari,” the boy said. “I don’t have a name. And don’t be sorry. Monsters hide in the dark don’t they? That’s just what I am.” But not heartless. Never heartless.   
He would never forget how he loved her. Never.


	9. Ice Blue Eyes: Part IV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An unexpected reunion borders just on the boy's memory. Will this outcome be pleasant? Or, like every interaction, will the time spent end in tragedy?

 The boy gazed out the window. The kids were playing in the playground. He never went on the playground anymore… Or the computer lab. Mostly he just stayed in his room. It was easier to avoid Dakeem that way. Miss Celia too.

After the carnival, everything had changed. She seemed to avoid him as much as he did her. There was no more special between them. The boy didn’t like the orphanage anymore. There was nothing here. It was like outer space. There were lots of stars…but he was still alone.

A car pulled around to the gate. The doors open and a bodyguard stepped out. Then another. Finally, Akemi Todai. Strangely, that was all. There were no other bodyguards. Then again, Todai probably felt safe on L-4.

The boy pointed his finger at the man. He could shoot him from right here. Get him right through the head. No one would ever know who did it. The boy turned from the window and snatched the teddy bear off the bed. The camel stared at him from the bed. With a frown, the boy pulled the covers over it. He didn’t like it anymore. It hurt.

He held the teddy bear to him and left the room. The halls were empty. But downstairs it was a different story. The foyer was full, mostly with the older kids. Their voices were loud with excitement. Todai was rich. Better still, he was looking for an heir. They all wanted to try and get him.

The boy sat on the steps opposite the door. When Todai came in, the boy would be the first thing he saw. The boy couldn’t let anyone else get adopted. He hugged the teddy bear under his chin. All he had to do was look cute and pathetic. There were so many other kids though. They were all cuter and even more pathetic. What if the boy didn’t get adopted? Odin would get mad at him. Odin might even not like him anymore, like Miss Celia.

He glanced at her. She was helping Mrs. Azul keep order. Her voice, though gentle, kept a lot of control. No one wanted to anger Miss Celia. She was a truly nice person. Nice to people who deserved it anyway...

There was a polite knock at the door. A hush fell over the room. It seemed like Miss Celia was walking extra slow. She reached the door and turned the knob. The door swung open. Todai stood there. Light came in around him and splashed on the floor. As soon as he stepped inside, the talking started up again. The kids all rushed at him at once, trying to get his attention. The boy sat where he was. Watching.

At first it didn’t seem like Todai would notice him. Then, the man’s blue eyes met his. Todai stared for a long time. The boy stared back. The kids stopped talking and, almost as one, all turned to look at him.

“Wh…what’s his name?” Todai finally asked.

“That’s Hikari,” Miss Celia said. The man’s eyes widened and he took a step forward.

“Hi...Hikari?” The man stumbled over to him. Eyes wide. Hand outstretched. Todai knelt and his warm hand brushed across the boy’s cheek. The boy’s throat went dry. There was something inside him. Trying to get out. Something from long ago. He reached up and touched the old man’s cheek.

“Booboo?” the words whispered out of his mouth. His heart was speaking again. A noise came from Todai that was somewhere between a gasp and a choke. The boy suddenly found himself wrapped in warm arms. _This is home_ , his heart said. _This is safe_ … The boy closed his eyes. No. He couldn’t get attached. Odin told him not to get attached. The camel was painful enough.

“I finally found you. Finally…” Todai whispered. A thought chilled the boy’s body. A thought that he knew was true as soon as it floated across his mind. Todai…was embracing his death.

\----

The boy crossed his arms behind his head and stared up at the dark ceiling. In the bed opposite him, Nurse snored softly. Toys rose up around the room, looking like squishy mountains in the darkness. A nightlight shaped like a pony glowed beside the bed.

The room was so full of…stuff. Lots of stuff. For the first few weeks, Todai did nothing but buy him things. Stuffed animals, coloring books, toy mobile suits. He even had his own TV. The boy hated it. There was so much…but it all seemed so…empty somehow. Now, Todai was away all the time.

What annoyed him the most, though, was that he couldn’t do his mission. Everywhere he went, Nurse followed him. He did not like her. She was at least a thousand years old and very crabby. Despite her age, she managed to keep up with him. She made sure he kept to ‘acceptable’ parts of the house. She’d even convinced Todai that he was too little to be allowed on computers.

Somewhere in the house the grandfather clock chimed. It was two o’clock. The boy slipped out of bed and quietly opened the door. He slipped into the soft carpet of the hall and eased the door shut behind him. Nurse was a light sleeper. Once free, he breathed a sigh of relief. The boy padded down the empty halls. He couldn’t go on the computer. After nine, all computer operations were closely monitored. That was when the main security staff went to bed. Even so, the boy could explore the house.

In every hall he turned, red lights peered at him from shadowy corners. Video cameras. They all fed back to a surveillance room two floors below. Luckily for the boy, the nightshift didn’t seem to care what he did. Sometimes they even invited him for a snack. The boy had learned much from them. Todai had become so rich, solely because of the Winner family. The Winner’s backed whatever decision he made. The security was even provided by the Winner estate.

From what the boy had seen, Todai was not a stupid man. Whatever information he gave to the Alliance would not be from his own house. It seemed Todai was innocent. When Todai wasn’t home, he was with the head of the Winner family. The news, security _and_ Todai himself had said so.

The boy was glad about that. If that were true, then this mission was easy. All he had to do was tell Odin what he found out. Odin might even tell him he’d done a good job! Then maybe…maybe he could go back to live with Miss Celia. Then he’d tell her he was sorry and she’d like him again. He could be friends with Quatre too! And maybe…maybe Odin would turn good and maybe marry Miss Celia and then he would have a _real_ family! The boy smiled to himself.

The boy yawned. His eyes got tired and he found himself stumbling a bit. He couldn’t go back to bed yet. There was a door at the end of this hall. He’d never seen what was behind it. He’d always gotten sleepy and turned back. The boy rubbed his eyes and forced himself to keep walking. Finally, he reached the door.

Just then, a guard making his rounds came the other way. The guard grinned at him, touching the brim of his cap.

“Having your nightly stroll, Master Hikari?”

“What’s in here?”

“That’s just Mr. Todai’s study. Nothing to interest a kid like you.”

“Can I see?” the boy asked. The guard shrugged and swung open the door. It was dark. There…was something missing. The guard turned on the lights to reveal a high desk, chairs and lots of bookcases.

“See? Nothing interesting.” When the room was dark again…the boy realized what was missing. There were no red lights. For some reason, Todai’s study didn’t have cameras. A yawn made tears come to his eyes.

“You look bushed, Master Hikari. Let’s get you back to your bed,” the guard said. The boy nodded. Bed seemed really nice right now.

\---

The next morning, he was on his way to school. The boy was still sleepy and a little grumpy. He hated the clothes he had to wear. A white, button down shirt, blue vest with two big white stripes and blue pants. It was so uncomfortable and Nurse got mad when he got dirty.

At the moment, they were standing outside, waiting for the car to pull up. Nurse fidgeted over him, straightening his clothes.

“Now, Master Hikari, Mr. Todai is going to be riding with us today, so I want you to be on your best behavior.” She whipped a comb from her gigantic purse and began to brush his hair back. “That means no talking. Mr. Todai doesn’t need to hear your childish talk. Understand?”

“Yes Ma’am.”

“Good.” She jammed the dark blue hat on his head. Then she took his chin in her pinching hands and turned his head from side to side. Her eyes narrowed and her thin lips were in a tight line.

“Acceptable,” she said finally. “Now stand up straight. Here comes Mr. Todai.”  
The boy purposely slumped his shoulders. He didn’t like Nurse. It was like this every morning. She always told him to mind his manners. The way she said it made it seem like he’d been really bad the day before and needed to do better.

“Good morning, Hikari,” said Todai’s bright voice. The man patted his head briefly. The boy looked up at him. A part of him really liked Todai. Even if he didn’t get to see him much.

“Good morning, Nurse,” Todai said, just as cheerfully.

“Hmph,” Nurse said. Soon the car pulled up. It wasn’t anything like the kind Odin usually got. This car had couches inside and even a TV. The boy, though, wasn’t allowed to sit on the couches. Nurse said he would only get them dirty.

The boy sat cross-legged on the floor in front of Todai. As usual, the first thing the man did was turn on the TV. It was the news. The boy liked the news. It was interesting. Nurse made him watch cartoons all the time. She said they were ‘age appropriate’. He didn’t understand what that meant. All he knew was that cartoons bored him. Everyone was always so…happy. Life wasn’t like that. It was stupid to make kids think life was like that.

“So, how are you enjoying the second grade?” Todai asked.

“Hmph,” Nurse said. “They should have put him in kindergarten. He may be smart enough but he’s not mature enough for the second grade. He’s going to fail, mark my words.”

“Mm,” was all Todai said.

“…virus is sweeping through the L-2 cluster,” the Newswoman was saying. “It’s being speculated that the disease was planted by Earth Sphere Alliance in order to keep the colonies under control.” She shifted a few papers on her desk and a smile pasted on her face.

“In other news, thousands of children flocked to Katharine Memorial Recreational Center for the annual Young Musician’s contest. The contest, always greatly enjoyed throughout the colony, was made extra special this year as Master Quatre opened the ceremonies.”  
The Newswoman disappeared and in her place was Quatre playing a violin. His eyes were closed and there was a gentle smile on his face. The boy wrapped his arms around his knees and watched. He looked so happy when he played. The boy wished sometimes that he could feel that happy.

“He plays really good,” the boy said when the music faded.

“Hmph,” Nurse said. “That’s not him playing. That’s just genetics. That child was machine created.”

 

“There hasn’t been a naturally created Winner in four generations,” Todai said. The boy looked back at him. The expression on his face was like he’d smelled something bad.

“They shouldn’t be allowed to do it,” Nurse said. “It’s not natural. God certainly disapproves of it.”

“Well they’ve certainly gotten better at it. Quatre is the best freak they’ve created.”

“Don’t you like the Winners?” the boy asked. “You’re always on the news with Mr. Winner.” Todai shook his head.

“Of course not. They’re genetically enhanced…everyone knows it.”

“But...then why do you be their friend?” the boy asked.

“Because sometimes, to get what you want, you have to pick the lesser of two evils,” Todai said, patting his head. The boy blinked. That didn’t make any sense. Quatre wasn’t evil…and the boy didn’t think his father was either. Why was Todai friends with someone if he didn’t like them? That was just stupid. Grownups… He would never understand them.

\---

“Get me off!” Abdul wailed, kicking his feet against the sides of the all ready nervous horse. The boy watched him, getting grumpier by the minute. Abdul was in all his classes and was always scared of something. The boy settled back in the saddle and absently petted his horse’s neck. He wished he could go off by himself.

Riding a horse was a new experience and he rather liked it. In fact, the only thing that kept him from enjoying Equestrian Class was the fact that some little kid couldn’t stop being scared. It wasn’t as if there was anything to be scared about. Falling off a walking horse wasn’t likely to hurt much.

“Listen Master Abdul,” the instructor said. “The horse won’t hurt you. If you could try and be brave, there’s so much you can do. When a horse sees your fear, it will become frightened as well.”

“I don’ like iiit!” Abdul wailed. The boy took off his riding hat and ran a hand through his sweating hair. He hated the riding outfit even more then the school outfit. It was a dark blue coat and black pants that stuck out to the side near the top. The pants looked so stupid. Anyone who wore them on purpose had to be a real moron.

The boy gazed around the riding track. He wanted to do something. Sitting around was always so boring. Beyond the track was a little patch of grassy space and then the stone fence. The Instructor said that when they got really good, they could actually jump that fence.

Beyond the fence were a lot of trees and beyond them was the road. Something flashed in between the trees. At first, the boy thought it was just a car, but then it flashed again. There was a pause…and again it flashed twice. Someone was out there… At once the boy knew. Odin. He glanced back at the instructor. She had finally gotten Abdul off the horse. The boy tried to think what to do. He could ask to go to the bathroom, but they were on the other side of the school. Of course… He glanced back at the fence.

The boy nudged his horse into a walk. Then a trot. Finally a canter, heading straight toward the wall. He was still a beginner yet…but…he wasn’t afraid.

“No Hikari! You can’t!” the instructor screamed. Underneath him, the horse bunched up, like a coiled spring. The boy stared at the spot right between the horse’s ears. He could. Unlike stupid Abdul, he wasn’t afraid. For a second he was flying, then there was a jolt as four hooves hit the ground. The boy pulled back on the horse’s reins, letting it come to a stop.

As expected, Odin was standing in the shadows of the trees. He was wearing his black jacket and dark sunglasses. Odin jerked his head and started to walk away. The boy slid off the horse and followed him to the road. A car was there. Without waiting to be told, the boy slipped into the passenger side.

“So how’s it going?” Odin asked as he slid in behind the steering wheel. The boy told him all he could remember about the house. When the boy was done, Odin made a ‘hmph’ that made him sound almost exactly like Nurse.

“No cameras in his office, huh? I’m not surprised. Anyway, they’re probably looking for you so we don’t have much time.” Odin reached into the glove box and pulled out a small disc player with a little earphone. “At six o’clock, put the earphone in. Don’t forget. And be careful with it. It’s worth more then you’ll ever be.”

The boy nodded and tucked it into his riding jacket. He got out of the car just as the instructor burst out of the trees. Odin drove off, tires screeching. The instructor walked up to the boy, looking in the direction of the car.

“Did you know that man, Master Hikari?” the woman asked. The boy shook his head.

“He just wanted directions.”

The instructor put fisted her hands on her wide hips and glared down at him. The boy sighed inwardly. Yet again, he’d gotten into trouble at this school. He was probably going to be paddled again. Oh well.

“Master Hikari. One, you were not permitted to leave the training area. Two, school policy strictly forbids children talking to any strangers off the grounds during school hours. You know what this means of course.”

“Hn,” the boy said. The horse was still waiting patiently where he’d left it. He scrambled onto its wide back. The instructor came over to him, nostrils flaring. Well…as long as he was in trouble anyway. The boy nudged a horse into a canter and jumped the wall again.

\---

The boy sat on the window seat and stared outside. His stomach was growly, but Nurse said he couldn’t have dinner. He’d acted inappropriately for a boy of his breeding. Delicious food smells filled the room. In the window’s reflection, he could see Nurse eating. The boy looked down at his shoes. Just watching her eat made his stomach even more hungry. It was his favorite too. Steak and a baked potato, covered in gravy and lots and lots of corn.

Pleasant, low notes rolled faintly into the room as the grandfather clock announced the time. The boy counted the sounds to himself. Six. He pulled the small earphone from his pocket and put it in the ear away from Nurse. For a few minutes, there was nothing. Finally there was a burst of static, then Odin’s voice.

\Sigh if you can hear me, kid.\

The boy obeyed, keeping a close eye on Nurse. She wasn’t paying attention.

\Good. Now listen to me. Todai has cancelled all his meetings for tomorrow. It might be perfectly innocent, but they don’t want to take any risks. Follow him, tomorrow. Don’t leave his side for a second. I don’t care if you have to handcuff yourself to his ankles. Understood?\

“Hn.”

\Good. Keep the earphone in too. If you see him meet with anyone, no matter how innocent it seems, bring out the disc player. There’s a little camera inside it that’ll feed back to me.\

Whoever Odin was working for had a good information network… and good resources too. The boy couldn’t help but wonder who they were. Odin never told him anything but what he needed to know. They must be bad people though. Who else but bad people would hire Odin to kill other people? But the Alliance was bad too because it also killed people. Weren’t there any good guys?

Suddenly the door opened. Todai stood there, smiling. The boy’s heart smiled too. A part of him wanted to hug the old man. To let Todai take care of him. To let Todai take care of everything. A part of him really wanted to be Todai’s grandson. But another part knew that was impossible. He’d been something else for too long. Making Odin proud was more important to him. More important then anything in the world.

“Ahh, Hikari. I see you’ve eaten.”

“No he hasn’t,” Nurse said with a sniff. “After the fiasco he pulled off in school today-”

“Ah good. Excellent,” Todai said. “Would you like to eat dinner with me then? Mr. Winner will be dining with us and I think I’d like for you to meet him.”  
“Mr. Todai!” Nurse stood, red spots growing on her withered cheeks. “I cannot allow you to give this boy special treatment after he’s behaved so badly.”

The boy hopped down from the window seat and walked past her. She could speak all she wanted, but Todai had the final say. The man’s warm hand came down on his shoulder and together they went from the room.

\What a witch.\ Odin’s voice made the boy jump. He’d almost forgotten about the earphone.

“Is something wrong?” Todai asked. The boy shook his head. They went downstairs into the huge entrance hall. Todai straightened and nodded. The butler opened the door. The head of the Winner family wasn’t there. Instead, it was a boy. A boy with blond hair and cold blue eyes.

“Ah…Master Quatre,” Todai said, clearly surprised. “I…eh…wasn’t expecting you.”

“My apologies,” Quatre said with a smile that wasn’t quite a smile. “Something came up and my father was unable to make it. He sent me in his stead… if that’s all right.”

“Of course, Master Quatre. Your company is always welcome.” Todai pushed the boy forward a little. “This is my grandson, Hikari.” Quatre looked at him, blue eyes growing even colder. The boy dropped his gaze to the floor. His heart was starting to hurt again.

Dinner was quiet for the most part. Todai sat at the head of a very long table with Quatre on his right side and the boy on his left. At least the quiet gave the boy time to think. How was he going to be able to follow Todai all day tomorrow? Nurse would never allow it. And usually he only spent time with the man in Nurse’s company. He doubted Todai would do anything suspicious in front of Nurse. That old woman just kept getting in the way. The boy glanced up at Quatre and suddenly had an idea.

“What are you doing tomorrow?” he asked the man. Todai opened his mouth to speak, then glanced at Quatre and cleared his throat. Then he cleared his throat again and smiled nervously.

“Ah…well… nothing…particular.”

“No meetings or anything? All you do is go to meetings.”

“Er…no.”

“Then can you play with me tomorrow? All day? Pleaasse?” the boy said, trying to sound as child like as possible. Todai seemed to become even more nervous.

“Well… I don’t…”  
“You should,” Quatre said. “Adults should spend some time with their kids. That’s how we know you really care.”

“Of course. Of course.”

“It’ll be fun!” the boy said, trying to smile. “And I can tell you all about what we did, Quatre!”

/Ha! Good job, kid!/ Odin said in his ear. /Todai’s stuck now!/ Normally, Odin’s words would make him feel proud. Now, though, it was impossible. Quatre was looking at him. Giving him a cool, steady gaze. _He knows I’m up to something_ ¸ the boy thought. Inwardly, he was impressed. Quatre wasn’t just another dumb little kid. The boy looked down and began to poke at his food, suddenly not hungry. Now that the first stage of his mission was complete, he just wanted to go to bed. He didn’t think, though, that Todai would let him leave so soon.

“Well, Master Quatre,” Todai said after a while. “I can understand why you would want Hikari to spend time with me. Your father doesn’t seem to have much time to spend with you, does he?”

“No,” Quatre said, frowning a little.

“That’s such a shame. You are his only son so it seems to me he would want to spend time with you. Though I suppose that he can create more sons. I think he just sees you as easily replaceable.”

Quatre didn’t say anything, but his frown deepened. The boy glared at his plate. It wasn’t nice for Todai to say things like that! Even though Mr. Winner could make more sons, there was only one Quatre. No one could ever replace someone so nice.

“Don’t look so sad, my boy,” Todai said, patting Quatre’s hand. “You know I care about you.”

“You do?” Quatre asked, eyes hopeful. The boy stared at Todai. Why was he lying? It wasn’t right to lie like that. It wasn’t right to pretend. Because one day, Todai would be caught pretending and it would make Quatre even sadder.

“Of course I care about you,” Todai said. “You’re almost like a second grandson to me.”

“Yeah,” the boy said. “He really likes you. He said you were the best freak the Winner’s ever created.”

“Hikari!” Todai snapped.

\You little moron! Keep your damned mouth shut!\ Odin yelled. The boy winced.

“I…I see,” Quatre said. He was sad. Really really sad. But it was better for him to be sad now then be really hurt later.

“It’s not nice to lie, Hikari,” Todai said. “I never said anything like that. Now apologize to Master Quatre right now.”  
The boy mumbled an apology. It was too late though. Quatre would know the truth. As a friend, it was the only thing the boy knew to do for him.

 


	10. Ice Blue Eyes: Part V

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The problem with being an assassin is that you're always going to have to do something you regret.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: It gets pretty dark here. Potentially suicidieish thoughts.

“This is one of Vidal’s earlier works,” the guide droned. “As you can see, his bold use of strokes infer movement while the picture itself invokes a sense of tranquility.”   
It just looked like a big gray and black swirl to him. The boy sighed as the group of adults shuffled to the next picture. They clustered around it and muttered strange words to each other. Grownup stuff was sooo boring. 

There was a window nearby. It showed a bright, pretty day. It was the perfect day for rolling around on the lawn. Even perfect to sit on the patio with Nurse and sip bitter tea. Anything was better then doing this. 

“Are you having fun, Hikari?” Todai asked. The boy glanced up at him briefly. He wasn’t stupid. Todai was just trying to get rid of him. All they had done today was boring stuff. Well the boy didn’t care how boring it got. He wasn’t leaving Todai’s side. Odin would be really really mad at him if he messed up. 

“It is a bit dry for you isn’t it? I suppose after this you’ll want to go home and play with your toys.”

“I want to stay with you.” 

“But, Hikari…”

“You promised,” the boy said, stomping his foot. He gazed levelly at Todai. If he had to, he was prepared to throw a screaming fit right here. The man seemed to realize this and sighed. The boring walk continued. More pictures, more words that he didn’t understand. The boy wanted to run around and scream and jump on things. He yawned so hard that tears came to his eyes. 

\I’m with you, kid. I am bored out of my mind,\ Odin said. An adult got boring at adult things? Maybe this was just for older adults. The boy hoped he never got that old. 

\Well I’m going to get something to eat. Anything happens; remember to take the disc player out.\

At this point, the boy didn’t think anything would happen. The earphone got staticy then went dead. The boy sighed. He liked it when Odin spoke in his ear. It made him feel good to know that the man was watching him. Miss Celia had watched him too. Todai, though, didn’t really seem to care. He was always happy when he saw the boy, but never watched him. Todai would ask questions but not really care about the answer. It was as if what the boy had to say wasn’t important enough. 

After what seemed like forever, the boring walk was finally over. He was happy when they finally got into the car. Todai actually let him sit on the couch! The man didn’t even turn on the TV like he usually did. Instead he leaned forward and gave the boy a long look. 

“You’re not going to give up are you?” Todai asked. The boy shook his head. 

“I want to spend the day with you.” 

“When we get home, I have something really boring to do. Then we can do something fun.” 

“Why can’t I be with you?”

“Because it’s an adult thing.”

“Why is it an adult thing?”

“Because it’s something I have to do.”

“Why?”

“Because if I don’t do it, some people are going to be upset.”

“Why?” 

“Because I said so. It’s not a thing for little boys.” 

“Please can I come? I’ll be really good and everything!”

At first, it looked like Todai was going to say no. The boy stared at him hopefully. He couldn’t say no. Odin had told the boy to stay with Todai all day long. If Todai said no…then…then everything would be messed up! Finally, the man sighed.

“All right. But you need to keep quiet. And don’t tell anyone about this, not even Quatre. Understand?”

“I won’t!” the boy said. “I promise.”

“If you break your promise, you’ll be in big, big trouble young man.” 

\---

The boy kicked his legs and stared at the fuzzy gray carpet. He was sitting in his own little chair beside Todai’s big desk. Nothing interesting had happened so far. Todai was just typing things on his computer. He wanted to plaaaay. This was no fun at all. No fun. No fun. Todai yawned and leaned back. The boy looked up hopefully. Was he done? Could they do something fun now?

“Almost,” the man said, patting the boy’s head. “We just have to wait to meet someone.”

“I don’t like waiting.” The boy looked back at his feet. Kick. Kick. Kick.

“Do you want to see something special?” Todai asked. The boy nodded. It was better then nothing. Todai opened a drawer and pulled out a silver picture frame. The man stared at the picture a long moment before turning so the boy could see. The boy’s heart stopped. There was a…a man in the picture. The man had brown hair. Dark brown. Like dirt on a playground. The boy could imagine being high in the air, clutching the man’s warm hair, watching the clouds pass overhead. A warm voice laughed inside his mind. Laughed and spoke some words he couldn’t quite hear. 

“Ohh, it’s all right,” Todai said. The boy suddenly found himself being pulled to the man’s chest. Warm tears splashed onto the boy’s hands and it took him a moment to realize they were his own tears. He was crying. Why was he crying? He wasn’t sad. What was happening to him? Todai’s warm hands rubbed circles on his back.

“Shh… It’s all right. I’m sorry, I probably shouldn’t have showed you. I just wanted to make sure it was really you. You must miss your Mommy terribly don’t you?” 

The boy blinked. Mommy? Mommy…Mommy lived under a rock. A big gray rock. Suddenly he could see lots of rocks. Huge rocks. All tumbled down together…and dirty gray snow that stung his eyes. Someone was underneath those rocks too. Someone special… Someone who used to hold him close and tell him stories and take him to see the big fish fountain. But…but he couldn’t remember.

There was a knock at the door. Todai sat the boy back into his little chair and put the picture away. A serious look came over his face. This was important. The boy pulled the disc player out and sat it on his lap. 

“Come in,” the man said. Just as the door opened there was a burst of static. 

\Oof. These people make spicy food. I swear they don’t know the meaning of the term ‘mild’.\

A man dressed in a blue suit walked up to the table. There was a very serious, almost angry expression on his face. The man looked at him and blinked. 

“Who is that?” the man asked, pointing a finger at the boy. Todai waved his hand.

“It’s just my grandson. He wanted to spend some time with me.”

“Look Todai. I don’t have time to reschedule the meeting.”

“He’s just a boy.”

“You can never be too careful.”

“He’s just six, Lieutenant. Don’t you think that’s a bit young to be a spy?”

\Lieutenant huh?\ Odin said. \That sounds interesting. As soon as they stop paying attention to you, put the disc player on the table. I can’t see anything from down here.\

Lieutenant stared at him hard. The boy stared back. The man was suspicious. The boy wasn’t scared though. As long as he didn’t act like he was hiding anything, it would be fine. Like Odin said; the best way to sneak out of a building was not to sneak at all. After a little bit, Lieutenant rolled his eyes and plunked what looked like a suitcase on the table. 

“Ah,” said Todai. Lieutenant opened the suitcase to reveal stacks and stacks of money. The boy’s eyes widened. He’d never seen so much money in one place! He leaned forward, setting the disc player on the table. Todai took the money and shifted through it, mumbling to himself. Finally he put it all back in the suitcase.

“Everything seems in order. Very well. It was a pleasure doing business with you,” Todai said, popping a disk from his computer and handing it out. Lieutenant took it and stared at it, like he could see what was on it just by looking. 

“I don’t think I quite trust you.”

“Please,” Todai said, gesturing to the computer. Lieutenant came around and put the disk in. Different pictures popped up. It looked like different views of the colony with lines all over it. Odin said these kinds of pictures were called…skimaticks or something. 

\Son of a bitch!\ Odin snapped. The boy jumped. \You traitorous money-grubbing son of a bitch!\

“Is something wrong, Hikari?” Todai asked. The boy stared at him. He wasn’t sure. What was Odin talking about? Why was Odin so mad? Lieutenant took the disk from the computer, nodded to Todai and started to leave the room.

\Why the hell are you doing just sitting there, kid?!\ Odin yelled. \Shoot him! Shoot him you moron!\

Shoot him! The boy looked around. Oh no! The teddy bear! It was still in his room! Oh noooo! The boy tore from the office and ran as fast as he could to his room, stumbling in his hurry. He slammed open the door and looked around. There were soo many toys! 

“Master Hikari!” Nurse snapped. “It’s very rude to come barging in!” The boy ignored her and began to dig through a nearby pile. Where was it!? Where was that stupid thing!?

\What are you doing!? Get-\ The boy ripped the earphone from his ear. He couldn’t concentrate with Odin yelling like that. Nurse started grabbing at him, trying to pull him up. The boy smacked her away. She was yelling now. He didn’t care. He had to find the teddy bear! 

Then he found it. Right on the very bottom. He snatched it up and tried to pull it apart. It wasn’t coming loose. Damnit! Damn it! With a frustrated scream, he grabbed the teddy bear’s head and yanked as hard as he could. It came off in his hands. He ran from the room, pulling out the gun as he went. Todai was in the hall, jogging toward the room. When the man saw him, he stopped. 

“Hikari! Are you okay?” 

The boy lifted the gun. Todai’s eyes widened and he reached for him. ‘How’s my little man?’ ‘Look! A fire truck! And it’s all yours. Happy Birthday, Hikari.’ ‘Would you like to hear a story?’

Todai’s voice echoed in his head. The boy squeezed his eyes shut and pulled the trigger. Then again. And again. Nurse started to scream. She was screaming and screaming.   
The boy lowered the gun, hands shaking so badly he could hardly hold it. He slowly opened his eyes. Todai was lying on the floor. The white walls were red. 

He had to…he had to hide the gun. He had to hide it. No one would know if he hid it. Odin said that no one could ever know what he did. The body of the teddy bear was lying on the floor. It was dead too. The boy picked it up and shoved the gun inside, pulling the cotton over it. Nurse was crying now, calling him a bad boy over and over. Something nearby started beeping.

The boy wanted to hear Odin’s voice again. Odin would be proud of him. Odin wouldn’t call him a bad boy. Hands still shaking, he slipped in the earphone. There was nothing. Silence. As if the man weren’t even there.

“I…I did it,” he said shakily. 

\Yeah. You did it.\ Odin did not sound happy. That wasn’t right. Why wasn’t he happy? \You really did it. You handed the L-4 colonies over to the Alliance. Great job, kid.\

“But…” The boy felt ready to cry. “But…I shot him!” 

\Very good. But the lieutenant was the one with the information. You shot the wrong person, you little idiot.\ The beeping sound became faster. The boy turned to see what it was. There was a little circle thing attached to the wall. In the center of the circle thing was a flashing red light. The boy’s eyes widened. Was… was that a…?

\Holy shit! Kid! Get out of-\ 

The beeping stopped. There were a few seconds of complete silence. A few seconds that seemed to last a million years. Then the world exploded.

\---

Darkness. He hurt. He couldn’t breathe. Couldn’t move. Something was on top of him, crushing him. It was all alone here. All alone in the dark. It was scary. So scary. He didn’t want to be alone! He didn’t want to go into that lonely black! He would go where the bad people went. He would go there and never see Odin again.

Above him were voices. But they were far away. So far away…and getting farther. They were all leaving him. Because he was bad. Because he had messed up. Help me Odin! He thought. Where are you? Help me! Please! I’ll be good! I won’t mess up next time! But no one came. No one came and he was still all alone. He couldn’t hear now. The dark had swallowed him. It was all around and cold…and lonely. He was sinking. Sinking into the loneliness. Because he had been bad… Because he had been bad… 

Riding high on someone’s shoulders. Fingers in warm brown hair. 

‘What’s up there?’ whispered a warm, friendly voice. A voice that loved him. ‘Look. See what’s up there.’

The boy opened his eyes. There was a small hole in the black and…and he could see… Clouds…the boy thought. He reached for them. It hurt…but he reached anyway. If he could catch a cloud. If he could only catch a cloud. 

“Hey! Look over there!” Something moved above him and a warm hand took his. “Can you hear me? Squeeze my hand if you can hear me.” The voice that was floating down to him was grownup. Was he…was he going to be saved? The boy tried to squeeze but he could only twitch his fingers. 

“Good,” the grownup said. “Good. You’ll be all right. We’ll get you out. Everything will be all right.” 

\---

It was dark. But, warm dark. He could breathe. He was on something soft and there was something cool against his skin. Voices… Noises…

Beep. Beep. Beep. Went something beside him. Oh no! Not again! The beeping got faster. A warm hand covered his and squeezed gently.

“It’s all right now. There’s nothing to be afraid of.” A woman’s voice. Soft and gentle. It didn’t sound like Nurse. The boy slowly opened his eyes. The light hurt and made him wince. He blinked a few times and soon a ceiling slid into focus. Tiled ceiling. Hospital.

“Good morning Hikari.” The boy looked over and saw Miss Celia. She was smiling at him. She looked really happy. But her eyes were puffy and red, like she’d been crying. Why had Miss Celia been sad? 

“You’ll be all right,” she said, lightly brushing his hair from his face. “You had us all really worried for quite a while. You’re a very lucky boy.” He wanted to say thank you. He wanted to say that he was glad she was here. He wanted to ask if she cared that he was bad. His mouth wouldn’t move though…and his mind was really tired. 

“Look, I even fixed your teddy,” she said, holding up the toy. He closed his eyes. He didn’t like that thing. He didn’t like it, but he still had it. It was still with him. He couldn’t let it go. Not yet. Maybe not ever. Miss Celia went on talking.

“Guess what? Once you get out of here you get to come home with me. Wouldn’t you like that, Hikari? To live with me? And you’ll always be with me. I won’t let anyone take you away.”

Be with Miss Celia? Forever? Could he really? Odin probably didn’t even like him now. He’d messed up. But…but Miss Celia did. Miss Celia still liked him. And maybe…he could get rid of the teddy bear then. 

A part of him was really happy thinking that…but another part was sad. Living with Miss Celia meant that he would never see Odin again. He would miss Odin. Odin was something he’d always had. Odin had always been there. All his life, everything kept changing. New places, new missions. But Odin had always stayed the same. Odin never changed. Even if Odin didn’t love him, he loved Odin so much. But…he loved Miss Celia too. Whenever he was with her…he was happy.

\---

The boy carefully patted the sand castle into place. He wasn’t well enough to play on the swings yet but sand was fun too. He’d been at the orphanage for a few days now. It wasn’t too bad now. No one spoke to him much…but at least that meant no teasing. The boy liked being by himself though. All he really needed was Miss Celia. They were friends again and she even moved his room closer to hers! It was better then anything in the world. Everything was perfect now.

There were footsteps behind him and a shadow fell over his castle. Suddenly sand was raining down all over him. It got in his eyes and mouth, and his cast too. The boy   
narrowed his eyes. Almost everything was perfect. Above him, the teenagers laughed.

“Did we scare you? Did we make you go wee-wee in the sand?” Dakeem said. The boy grabbed his teddy bear and reached for his crutch. A brown hand snatched it away from him. The boy glared up at Dakeem.

“Give it back,” he said. 

“I don’t think so. You need to stay here so you won’t run away.”

“What do you want?” the boy asked. Dakeem tossed the crutch to one of his friends and leaned closer to the boy’s face.

“Didn’t you watch the news? They found Todai’s body. He was shot right through the head. He was murdered. And I’m gonna tell them you did it. In fact, Miss Celia’s talking with the police right now. I think I’m gonna go over there.” 

The boy stared at him. He was lying about the police. Dakeem lied all the time. Why couldn’t the teenager just leave him alone? 

“That was way over the line, Dakeem!” one of the teenagers snapped. “The poor kid has been through hell.”

“Aww comon’! He’s just a stupid kid! Besides, he’s Miss Celia’s favorite.” 

“So what? I’m sick of you being such an asshole,” the other teenager said. The teenager who had just spoken helped the boy up and gave him back his crutch. Dakeem was shooting them both with a look of pure hatred. Then his eyes narrowed. He was going to cause trouble. Maybe not now…but soon. 

The boy limped to his room, clutching the teddy bear tightly. He was not going to risk it again. If Miss Celia ever found out what was hidden in the bear, he’d be in a whole lot   
of trouble. She was the kind of person who didn’t like to see anything hurt. If she knew what he had done…she would probably hate him forever. 

Once he was safely inside, he locked the door. Then he plunked himself on the bed and started picking at the loose seams around the teddy bear’s neck. Miss Celia could do many things well…but sewing was not one of them. But that was good in a way. At least he wouldn’t have to tear it apart again. He didn’t think he could do it a second time. He pulled the gun from the cotton. 

It was heavy in his hands. Really heavy. He sighed and lay back on the bed, holding the gun above him. It made his heart heavy to look at it. It would be hard living with Miss Celia. Even if Dakeem went away. The boy knew he’d never be able to get rid of the gun. He would always have to hide it. A part of him would always be afraid of being found out. 

He sighed, put the gun on the bed beside him and tucked his hands behind his head. Dinner would be in an hour or so. He and Miss Celia were having macaroni and cheese tonight. Besides steak, that was the best stuff in the world. He closed his eyes, listening to the silence of the room. It was so peaceful here. So quiet. For just a little while, he didn’t have to worry about anything.

The boy didn’t realize he was dozing until a knock on the door woke him up. He sat up, heart pounding. The knock came again.

“Hikari? Are you awake?” It was Miss Celia. The clock on the wall told him it was almost time for dinner. The boy slipped the gun into his gray tank top and stashed the teddy bear under the covers. Then he grabbed the crutch and hobbled to the door. When he opened it Miss Celia smiled at him. There was something else in her eyes too. She was worried about something. 

They went in silence to her office. Two big bowls of ice cream were sitting on the desk. Now the boy knew something was wrong. Miss Celia never served ice cream unless there was some special reason. By the sad way she was smiling, it didn’t seem like the good kind of special. 

“I thought it would be nice to have dessert first today,” she explained. The boy sat, propping his leg up on a big pile of cushions. The doctor’s said his leg had been broken in   
three places. A couple of his ribs were broken too so he wasn’t allowed to play much. The boy hated being hurt. It was so annoying. 

“Hikari…” Miss Celia started. The boy prepared himself. Here it came. “I know…you probably don’t want to talk about this… but… The police were by today.” The boy’s heart leapt up into his throat. Did…did they know?

“They…discovered that the man you were adopted by, Akemi Todai, that…well he was shot.” The boy looked down, clenching his hand. What was she saying? Did they know he   
did it? Did Nurse tell them? She reached over and took his hand.

“Do you know something? Hikari?” 

He shook his head. Maybe if he lied. Maybe. She would hate him if she knew how bad he was. 

“If you know something, you have to tell me. We want to find the bad guys who did this. Did you see who shot him?”

“No.” He tried to speak normally, but his voice came out as a squeak.

“Hikari…” She trailed off. For a while there was silence. Maybe she believed him. He slowly looked up at her. Miss Celia’s blue eyes narrowed.

“It was him wasn’t it?” She was angry. Very angry. But she hadn’t raised her voice at all. “The man who left you here. The man you were talking to in the store. That’s Odin Lo, isn’t it?”

“No!” the boy cried, shaking his head. No he couldn’t let her believe that! Odin would get into trouble…and…and Miss Celia was Quatre’s brother and she would tell her father and whoever Odin worked for would be in trouble too! The boy had to tell her the truth. He couldn’t mess up again. He could not mess up again!

“I did it! I shot him! I did!” 

“It’s all right, Hikari. You don’t have to protect him. You don’t have to lie. He won’t hurt you again. I’ll make sure of it.” Nooo! This was a problem… A… problem. Odin always said…there was usually only one way to deal with a problem. The boy closed his eyes. There would be no more mistakes. No more mess ups. 

The clock read 5:59:50. The dinner bell would ring exactly at six. No more mistakes. No more mistakes. He had ten seconds. Nine. Eight. He started to pull the gun from his tank top. 

“I’m sorry,” he said. Seven. Six. Five. He looked at Miss Celia. Four. Three. Two. 

“I have to kill you.” One…

\---

 

The boy sat against the alley wall, staring at the night dark street. Everything was taken care of. He’d even erased his name from the files. It was easy enough once he’d figured out her password. Quatre Raberba… She’d really loved him.

Now he was empty. He wasn’t sad. Or scared. Just…empty. He suddenly understood all to well what it mean to kill. It was the worst thing ever. To take away someone’s life. To take them away from everyone who loved them. He’d killed the light…and now all that was left was darkness. The boy stared at the gun. He had no where to go. He had completed his mission, even if he had failed. It was over. Everything was over. There was no one to love him. So maybe…it was all right to kill no one loved. No one would even know he’d gone. 

The boy laughed. It hurt to laugh, but he did. He was the perfect assassin! No one would know! No one would care! Not even Odin was as good as he was! The boy laughed and laughed until he couldn’t anymore. Then he stared at the gun. No one would care… No one would care…

Suddenly light flared in his eyes. He winced and put a hand over his face, shielding himself. It took him a moment to realize the lights belonged to a car. The door opened and someone came over to him. Gentle hands pried the gun from his fingers.

“If you don’t be careful you’re liable to blow your face off, kid,” Odin said. The boy bowed his head and wrapped his arms around himself.

“I failed…” he whispered. “I was bad. It won’t matter…”

“Nah. I didn’t even see it coming. I’m sorry for yelling at you. I was just angry. I knew that bastard Todai was up to something. I should have warned you to keep on your guard. Anyway, let’s get moving. There’s a whole army of mobile suits out there and if we don’t leave now we won’t be able to.”

“Does it matter?” the boy asked, looking up at him. Odin stared at him.

“What happened to you? You’re eyes are like ice.” 

“Isn’t that how it’s supposed to be?”

“Yeah.” Odin shoulders slumped and he suddenly sounded tired. “Let’s go, kid. Our work isn’t over yet.”

The boy stood. Even if they didn’t escape…it didn’t matter. Nothing really mattered. Not any more.


	12. Caught in the Crossfire

 “Ahh, this is the life,” Odin said, leaning back in a padded armchair. “Two weeks and nothing to do. Isn’t that great, kid?”

Instead of responding, the boy opened his book. They were on a minor colony in the L-3 cluster. Odin said it was a vacation. The boy didn’t know what they were vacationing from. Things had been slow for a while now. The Alliance’s grip was getting stronger and rebellions were becoming infrequent.

He started to read again. It was about the creation of the colonies. There had been conflict even back then. People killing other people. Assassinations from the shadows. That was what humans did, he supposed. Although half the time he couldn’t understand why. If everybody left everybody else alone life would be easier to live. Odin tapped the book. The boy looked up at him.

“I’m hungry. Want to get something?”

“Sure.”

Soon they were out in the busy street. This colony was small, but it was jam packed with city. The streets were narrow, twisting through the city like snakes. Buildings were crammed into every available spot. Occasionally there would be a tree or two. As they waited at a crosswalk, the boy glanced up. Gray metal wall stared back at him. The colonies had lost their clouds a while ago. It cost a lot to keep the projectors running and the Alliance didn’t like it. The Alliance didn’t live here though. Even if the clouds were just tricks of light they were better then nothing.

“Come on, kid.” Odin said, putting a hand lightly on his shoulder. The boy shoved his hands into the pockets of his jacket as they continued on their way. The yellow-haired man was looking around, a strange smile on his face. It was sad…but happy too…and a little distant.

“Is something wrong?” the boy asked. Odin shook his head.

“I’m just feeling a little nostalgic.”

“Nos…talgic?”

“Mm-hmm. I grew up here. Lived here until I was fourteen.”

“What happened then?”

“Nothing I like to talk about. Suffice to say that I became what I am.” Odin sighed and looked up. The boy wondered if he were looking for the clouds too.

“It started out so simply you know? One kill. That’s all I had to make. It was a man I didn’t even like.” He shook his head. “Word of advice, kid. Never kill a man you hate. It makes you feel empty afterwards. You don’t even know what to do with yourself. So Lowe gave me an order and I killed again. And again… The rest of my childhood was completely wasted. By the time I knew how to get out of it, it was too late.”

“Was Lowe your father?” the boy asked. Odin blinked, as if just realizing he was there. Then the man smiled. It was an expression that was a little fond, but angry too. Odin always seemed to smile like that. Now though, the boy knew why.

“No. I just took his last name when he died. Shot…right below the heart. It took him three days to die.”

“Who killed him?”

Odin said nothing and the boy understood. He looked down. Odin must have cared about the man a little. Otherwise why did he take his last name? But if Odin did care, why had he shot him?

“Orders are orders, kid,” Odin said, seeming to read his mind. “And I was too stupid to know any different. A lot of things have happened in my life…but nothing has ever come close to the pain of that moment.” Odin clapped him on the back, voice changing from distant back to normal. “Not that you would know anything about that.”

The boy said nothing. His heart didn’t hurt anymore. Nothing hurt anymore. Nothing felt anymore. Even the distant memories were nothing. It was all right though. Things were better this way. Caring was what caused all the trouble. As long as he didn’t care at all, everything would be fine. The only thing that mattered was what 01he was told to do.

Odin stopped. It was so sudden the boy walked a few steps away before realizing. The man was glaring at something across the street. A building with a high wall surrounding it and two mobile suits standing on guard. A military instillation. Judging from the size it probably had about ten mobile suits. It seemed a lot for such a small colony. But this colony, despite its size, was the communications hub for the entire L-3 cluster. Whoever controlled it pretty much controlled everything.

Suddenly Odin walked away with long, angry strides. The boy had to jog to keep up. Why was he so mad? They had hid here because of the military installation. Odin had said that the best way to take a break was right under the enemy’s nose. So it wasn’t as if Odin hadn’t known it was there.

“Why are you so mad?” the boy asked. Odin stopped again and gave him a hard angry look.

“Why do you _think_ I’m mad? The damned Alliance is taking over everything! These are our colonies. They have no right. Don’t you care at all?”

The boy shrugged and looked away. There was nothing to care about. If the Alliance wanted to take over, so what? People might die but people always did. Why did Odin care anyway? He used to work for the Alliance. He had helped bring this about.

“Oh I forgot. You don’t care about anything do you?” the man said bitterly. “I bet if L-1 was destroyed you wouldn’t even care, would you?”

“Why should I?”  
“Because it’s your home.”

The boy glared at him.

“I don’t _have_ a home.”

Odin stared at him. The anger faded replaced by an entirely different emotion. Sadness…pity. Why was he looking at him like that for? What difference did it make if he had a home or not?

“You had a home once…” Odin said. Even his voice was sad.

“It’s gone. Boom. Destroyed. Isn’t that what you told me? And you’re the one who did it. Why do you feel sorry for me? Why do you feel sorry for something you’ve done? It’s stupid.”  
“That’s because I have something called a conscience.” He was back to being angry again. “You know, you could use one too.”

“An assassin doesn’t need a conscience. All an assassin needs to do is follow orders. All the rest doesn’t matter.”

“Look, kid. I’ve been doing this far longer then you’ve been alive. No seven-year-old _twerp_ is going to tell me what I don’t need.”

The boy shook his head and walked away. Odin had always told him that a conscience only got in the way. Why was he saying now that he needed one? Odin had told him not to get too attached to anything. Odin had told him that the only thing that mattered was following orders. Now the man was telling him something completely different. It didn’t make any sense.

“You’re going to be one hell of a monster when you grow up,” Odin said, falling in step beside him.

“I’m only doing what you told me to do,” the boy muttered.

“Yeah. I know. That’s what makes it so pathetic. You’re going to be a great weapon to whoever gets hold of you. God help us if it’s the Alliance.” Odin shook his head. “I’m beginning to wish I had killed you that day…”  
But he hadn’t. He hadn’t and the boy couldn’t help but wonder why. Why had Odin taken him in? Why had Odin cared for him all that time? The young, childish part of him wanted to believe it was because Odin loved him. It was stupid. He knew it was. But he couldn’t think of another explanation.

They walked in silence for a while. The boy kept his eyes on the ground. There were so many people around him. He didn’t like looking at people anymore…especially in the face. Every one of them he might have to kill one day. Odin didn’t either, he noticed. Wherever they went together it was like they were the only ones that existed in the world. Odin never talked to anyone unless he had to. Odin never got attached to anyone. Maybe that was why Odin hadn’t killed him. The man had wanted someone to talk too. Someone he wouldn’t have to kill.

\---

By the time they got to the entertainment section of the colony, the boy’s stomach was grumbling. The entertainment area took up two whole blocks. Restaurants and shops were piled on top of each other in huge buildings that seemed to almost touch the high metal ceiling. Something was wrong though. He couldn’t put his finger on it, but something was definitely off. There was only a small crowd milling along the narrow sidewalks. A lot of people just seemed to be hanging around, watching.

The boy glanced up at Odin. By the look on the man’s face it was obvious that he too knew something was wrong. Everything was so quiet. As they walked up the street there were more people just standing around. It was like they were waiting for something. The boy glanced across the street and stopped. A man with a long black trench coat was standing there, staring at him. Or maybe at something beside him. Turning his head, the boy saw a restaurant. Inside were a bunch of people in uniform.

“Are we really on vacation?” the boy asked.

“Not for long if we stay around here.” Odin put a hand on his shoulder and started guiding him away. They had only gotten a few feet when a group of soldiers marched into the street just ahead of them, blocking off the exit. The boy turned almost at the same time Odin did and saw more soldiers blocking off the other end of the street.

“It’s a trap!” someone shouted. Then everything happened at once. Rapid gunfire ripped through the air. Suddenly bullets were everywhere. People in the street were screaming. Some were firing, others just trying to get away. Odin grabbed his arm and yanked him against the wall, just as the window he’d been beside shattered, sending a silver rain of glass scattering into the street. Gun muzzles poked from the window and started firing into the crowd.

“Give me your gun,” Odin said, raising his voice over the noise. “Now I want you to get in that little alley over there and hide.” The boy obeyed without really thinking about it. The alley was nothing more then a narrow gap between two buildings. It was so narrow that he could touch the opposite wall. The boy hugged himself and stared out into the street. He wasn’t sure if he was scared or not. He wasn’t used to all this chaos. Not that he hadn’t had chaos in his life…but usually it only involved him…not so many other people. Odin ducked into the alleyway then, gun held up beside his face, ready for anything. He probably wasn’t used to this either. An assassin worked alone.

“Is this a rebellion?” the boy asked.

“Looks like it, kid.”

“Didn’t you know it was going to happen?”

“No one told me.”

“So this is a rebellion not linked to the organization?”

“Maybe, maybe not.” Odin shrugged. “They don’t tell me everything.”

A soldier appeared in their line of view. He hoisted his rifle. Odin got him in the arm. The soldier dropped the heavy rifle on the ground, then whipped a pistol from his belt with his good hand and shot at them. The boy pressed himself against the wall and felt the rush of air as the bullet sped just past his nose. Odin cursed and shot at the soldier again. This time, a hole appeared between the man’s eyes and he slumped to the ground.

“And to think, it only took you two shots,” the boy said. “You must be getting nearsighted in your old age.”

“Ah shut up kid. Not everybody can be a crack shot like you…and I’m only forty-seven.”

“That’s what you said last year.”

“Hn,” was all the old man had to say about that. It was a little worrying though. The boy had heard that old people had the tendency to slow down. Slowing down in this line of business usually meant getting killed…or gotten rid of. He didn’t want it happen to Odin. Odin was the only thing he had. If he could stay forty-seven forever, that would be just fine.

The gunshots faded soon and the streets were as silent as they had been noisy. From where he was standing, he couldn’t see much more then the dead soldier. Odin lowered the gun a bit. The boy watched him, waiting for an order.

“Stay close,” Odin said in a low voice. The boy nodded and kept just behind him as they left the alley. The outcome of the fight was obvious and a little surprising. A small, ragged group of rebels stood among dead and dying soldiers that were more then half their number. One of the rebels spotted them and lifted her gun.

“Drop that gun!” she snapped. Instead of obeying, Odin slipped the gun into his own jacket and held up his hands.

“I’m on your side.”

“I said to get rid of the gun!” the woman yelled. A man standing nearby came up to her and lowered the muzzle of the gun. The woman glanced at him angrily but did as she’d been ordered.

“Who are you?” the man asked.

“Are names really important?” Odin asked.

“They are if you want to live!” snarled the woman. The leader waved her into silence.

“If you are with us. Why didn’t you help us fight?”

“That’s not my area of expertise.” Odin folded his arms and looked around. “So…who ordered this little…charade?”

“Charade?! We spent months planning-“the woman started.

“Why do you ask?” the leader snapped, glaring at the woman. She opened her mouth as if to say something. Then closed it and blushed. The boy could see right away that this woman was a serious liability. With the right provocation she would tell everything.

“Ah. I see,” Odin said. “You did this entirely on your own then?”

“Yes,” the leader said. The boy looked around. There were many soldiers dead, yes. But there were many others as well. People who didn’t look like they’d been involved at all.

“What’s the point?” the boy asked.

“We’re trying to liberate our colony. That’s the point,” the woman said. “Soon all of L-3 will be free of Earth’s control.”

“Not like this it won’t. You didn’t even do anything.”

“What would a child like you know?” the woman said.

“And just what help do you think this is?” Odin said. “The military base is still there. They still have control of all communications. They have mobile suits that can crush you into dust. What do you think you’ve accomplished by this?”

“We’ve shown them how strong we are!” the woman said, drawing herself up There was a chorus of agreements from the others in the group. The leader, strangely, remained silent.

“And how do you plan to fight against the Leos?” Odin asked. “Those guns aren’t even going to make a dent.”

“Show them how, Charlie!” the woman said. A big man with a bald head grinned and lifted two rocket launchers onto his shoulders.

“Just two?” the boy said. They couldn’t be serious. “There are a lot more then two mobile suits.”

“Ha! Shows how much you know,” the woman said. “The street behind us is too narrow for them to fit through and they would only be able to fit two on this street. So two launchers should be enough, don’t you think?”

“What if you miss?” the boy asked. The rebels didn’t answer, just looked to the leader. The boy did as well. The man didn’t say anything. His eyes were fixed on somewhere far away. He had known they didn’t have a chance, the boy realized. The leader had known this was all pointless, but had done it anyway. What was the sense in that? The silence was broken by a low rumble of thunder. No…not thunder. Something else. The ground vibrated gently underneath his feet. Soon the bulk of the giant suit appeared. The boy watched as it came closer. Even from that distance, the boy could see another one was behind it.

“Oh God. Might as well kill me now,” Odin muttered. The boy looked at him. Huh? Without a word, Odin went up to Charlie and took one of the rocket launchers from him.

“Odin…” the boy started.

“Get out of here, kid. They deserve at least one good shot.”  
“But…”

Odin glanced at him, green eyes as distant as the leader’s had been. The eyes of someone expecting to die. No… No he couldn’t die. He couldn’t stay here and let himself be killed just to help a bunch of idiots.

“You go back to the apartment. You remember how I told you to break into the communications system?”

“Yes.”  
“Do that and get on frequency X39.75. That will get you directly to the higher ups.”

_I can’t do it._ The boy wanted to say. _I don’t remember. You have to do it. You can’t leave me._ But he knew that Odin wouldn’t listen. There was nothing the boy could do. Wait a minute… There was something. He had a mission. Odin had given him a mission. He had to do it and do it right. He wouldn’t be sad, because on a mission there was no room for being sad. On a mission there was no room for anything.

“What do you want me to tell them?” the boy asked. His voice was cold. Odin didn’t like it when he sounded like that…but the boy couldn’t help it. His voice always came out that way when he didn’t want to feel.

“Tell them… Tell them I made a stupid mistake.” The boy nodded and turned.

“Kid,” Odin said.

“Hm?”

“You might want this.” The boy turned. Odin was holding out the gun. The boy took it, slipped it into the hidden pocket of his jacket and started to walk away. There was the sound of booted feet. Once again, soldiers were blocking the way out. This time though, there were more of them. They hoisted their rifles, aimed and waited. There was a loud thud and a shadow fell over him. The boy turned and saw that the leos had arrived.

“You’re surrounded,” the lead one said. “Surrender now and you’ll not be harmed.”

“Surrender this!” Charlie screamed. There was a loud roar as the rocket launcher went off. At first, it looked like a dead on hit. But then the mobile suit leaned back. The missile went on unheeded and slammed into the top of a nearby building. The second mobile suit reacted to this attack by lifting its huge gun. The boy dropped to his knees and threw his arms over his head as the laser coming from the gun ripped through the road not a few feet from him. Debris rained around him, hitting or scratching him as it fell.

For the second time, bullets screamed through the air. The boy opened his eyes and stood. There was smoke everywhere. He couldn’t see Odin…or much of anything for that matter. He had to get back to the apartment. He had to do his mission. The boy ran as fast as he could, stumbling frequently over unseen things. Suddenly a metal wall appeared in front of him. Unable to stop his momentum, the boy slammed into it and sprawled on the ground. As the boy stared into the clearing smoke he saw a huge metal hand heading straight for him.

 

 


	13. Orders

For a long moment everything was dark. His heart was pounding in his ears. All around him he could feel the humming of the machine. Metal fingers slipped gently under him and it felt as if he was being lifted into the air. Did this mean he was being captured? Odin never told him what to do if he got captured. When the boy asked, all he’d said was: “You don’t want to know.” 

So he sat there, waiting for whatever was about to happen. He had to get himself to a computer with linkup access. How he was going to do that he didn’t know. There might not be a computer where they were taking him. Or the pilot might just decide to squish him. The mobile suit’s hand was more then capable of crushing every bone in his body. That should kill him. If not he was going to be in the hospital for a very long time. The boy sighed. Getting put in the hospital was so inconvenient. 

The hand stopped and the humming took on a different tone. There was a sort of hissing sound and the fingers of the hand pulled apart. The boy suddenly found himself staring into the cockpit of the suit. The pilot unbuckled his safety harness and held out his hand to the boy. 

“Come on. It’s okay. I’ll get you out of this mess.” 

Well there was no else to go. The boy took the pilot’s hand and scrambled into the cockpit. The man pulled him on his lap and buckled the harness around both of them. The pilot pressed a switch above him and the doors hissed shut. There were so many switches and gauges. He wandered what they all did. Outside all he could see was the tops of buildings. Was Odin okay? 

“Sir!” blasted a voice from the speaker beside him. The boy jumped. The pilot sighed and pressed a button beside the intercom.

“You don’t have to shout, Cadet. I can hear you just fine.”

“Yes, sir. But, sir. The rebels have surrendered.”

“How many are left?”

“Three, sir. 

“Very well. I leave it to you, Cadet. I’m heading back to base.” 

“Sir!”

The boy watched what the pilot did closely. It must be so much easier to work from a mobile suit. It was easier to kill when you couldn’t see your enemy’s face clearly. The only drawback was that a mobile suit was too conspicuous. It was a soldier’s weapon…not an assassin’s. 

“My name is Weaver. Fredrick Weaver,” the pilot said. “What’s yours?” 

The boy kept quiet and watched Weaver’s feet work the pedals. He could feel it walking. Pressing back with the heel brought the foot up. Slowly nudging the toe down made the Leo’s foot go forward and down. 

“Not the talkative kind, huh? What were you doing down there anyway? Were you with your parents?”

The boy nodded. Odin said that it was a good idea to let the interrogator answer his own questions. That way you could pick which answer was best. 

“Hmph. Damned rebels. There were innocent people down there and did they give a damn? No. It’s once they stop caring that they really become monsters.” 

The boy twisted his head up to look at the pilot. Was…was that really true? He still cared. He still cared a lot. So…maybe Odin was wrong. Maybe he wasn’t a monster after all. Weaver looked down at him and smiled. His brown eyes were really kind. The boy looked away. Kind people always died. Maybe that was why everything was so terrible.

Soon they reached the base. Weaver backed up into the wall and there was a slight jerk as the magnet took hold. The pilot pressed the switch to make the doors open. The boy blinked when they did. They were high up and there was no way he could see to get down.

“Do we have to jump?” the boy asked. Weaver laughed.

“So you do have a voice. I was beginning to wonder there.” The man shook his head. “No. Someone will come along to help us down.” The pilot then ran his fingers down a row of switches near his elbow. As the last switch was pressed, a little door popped open right beside it. Inside was a small, rectangular piece of dark green metal.

“What’s that for?” the boy asked as Weaver pried the strip of metal from its little alcove. 

“Have you ever seen your Daddy start a car?” 

The boy sighed inwardly. It was time to be treated like a little kid again. He couldn’t wait to grow up and get it over with. 

“So that’s a key?”

“Right.” 

“Can another key start it?” 

“Nope. Not unless they reprogram the suit.” From below came the sound like a car pulling up and then the whirring of a machine. Weaver undid the safety harness. A metal platform with metal railings rose into view. An old man in a dirty jumpsuit was riding it. His white eyebrows rose in surprise.

“Pick up a passenger, Lieutenant?” 

“Yeah. This here is… uhh… what is your name anyway, boy?” 

The boy went out onto the platform and put his hands on the railing. This was obviously the housing bay for the mobile suits. There were less then he’d thought there’d be.

“Not very talkative is he?” the mechanic said.

“He’s been through a lot.” The platform on wheels went down. The boy tuned out the adult conversation above him. It was going to be difficult completing his mission here. Getting onto the communications system without being detected shouldn’t be too much of a problem. There was so much running through here they wouldn’t pay much attention to a transmission from their own base. Getting to a computer though would be a problem. The platform settled but the adults didn’t seem to be getting off any time soon. 

“Have you tried the beam gun yet?” the mechanic asked. The boy slouched a little and kept a close ear on the conversation. The other suit had used a beam gun. Did that mean all the Leos were equipped with them?

“I didn’t. Cadet Burke did though.”

“And?”

“And it’s entirely too strong for such a small environment. The entire entertainment district is heavily damaged.”

“That’ll teach ‘em,” the mechanic said with a sniff. “We shouldn’t even bother to rebuild it. Those rebels don’t deserve it.”

“Rebels only make up a small part of the population.” Weaver’s voice was hard and a little angry. “Most of this colony is made up of innocent people. It’s our duty to protect them.”

The mechanic shook his head and patted Weaver’s shoulder.

“You’ll understand one day, lad.” 

For a minute or two, neither of them said anything. Finally Weaver sighed. A large, grown up hand ruffled the boy’s hair.

“You’re probably getting bored aren’t you?” Weaver asked. The boy shrugged. 

“You should send him to the hospital wing,” the mechanic said. “Judging from what I heard, that was quite a scrap he got himself into.” Oh no. Not the hospital. Anything but that. 

“I’m fine, really!” the boy protested as Weaver led him from the platform. “I’m not hurt at all.” 

“Well we’ll check anyway. Just to see.”

When they had gone halfway across the bay area, the huge doors slid open and a group of soldiers came in. Marching in between the soldiers were the former rebels. The boy’s heart jumped as he saw Odin among them. He was okay! He hadn’t died! The little kid part of him wanted to run up to him and hug him. But the sensible side of him knew better. Odin being captured might complicate things… Besides, alive or not, the boy still had a mission to do. 

Behind the soldiers came the second Leo. The lower part of its arm was gone. The entire entourage stopped a few feet in front of them. _What should I do?_ the boy thought, looking into his mentor’s green eyes. Odin glanced at him then looked away. Ah. Okay. So he wasn’t supposed to know him. 

The Leo’s hatch opened and its young pilot slid down a black nylon rope to the ground. Cadet Burke marched up to them, beaming with pride. Hmph. It wasn’t as if he even did anything. Crushing a small rebellion with superior weaponry was nothing to gloat about. 

“This will only take a moment,” Weaver muttered to the boy. “I hope.”

“Rebels caught, Sir!” Cadet Burke snapped off a salute. 

“So I noticed. Did you find out who the ring leader of this operation is?”

Cadet Burke walked behind Odin and shoved him forward. It was all the boy could do not to react. They couldn’t blame Odin! Lieutenant Weaver couldn’t believe it. If they suspected Odin was the leader, he could be in real trouble. 

“This is the bastard right here, Sir.”

“How can you be sure?” 

“He’s the one that surrendered.”

“Why?” The word tumbled out of the boy’s mouth before he could stop it. Odin glared at him. _Shut up, kid_. His eyes said. The boy looked away. He shouldn’t have asked but…but it was stupid! What good did surrendering do? What was the point of it? 

“He’s not the leader!” the woman yelled. The boy glanced at her and mentally sighed a little. How in the world did she survive? “Our leader died valiantly under your unfair tactics! He just showed up out of nowhere with that kid!” She pointed right at him. The boy flinched slightly. Damn. Damn, damn, damn. She had a big mouth. Someone really needed to shoot her. 

“Is that true?” Weaver asked. The boy stared at the floor. What was he supposed to say now? He could say no but Weaver would know he was lying. Saying yes wouldn’t help either. He could say that Odin had kidnapped him but that would get Odin into even more trouble.

“I wouldn’t believe her, Sir,” Burke said. “She’s just trying to protect him. This is the bastard who hit my Leo with the rocket launcher. Only higher ups would have those.” The cadet shoved Odin again, hard. Odin stumbled, falling to his knees on the hard floor. 

“Stop shoving them around, cadet,” Weaver said with a sigh. The boy glared at Burke, focusing his gaze right between the pilot’s eyes. He could kill him. He could really kill him. The stupid man had everything all wrong. 

“They’re rebels, sir,” Burke said, meeting the boy’s glare. “Rebels killed my brother. As far as I’m concerned, they deserve everything they get.” 

“I understand your feelings, Mr. Burke. However, a soldier who cannot control his emotions is a soldier with no place on the battlefield. Understood?”

“Understood, sir,” the man muttered, looking down. 

\---  
The boy sat on the edge of the examination table and kicked his feet. Another examination. More questions he couldn’t answer. More sympathetic adult looks. He hated hospitals. At least the stethoscope hadn’t felt like it had been dunked in ice water. Lieutenant Weaver had left at the beginning of the examination. But he was back now and talking with the doctor in hushed tones. He could just barely hear their conversation. 

“I would say that he’s led a fairly violent life before this,” the doctor said. 

“How can you tell?” 

“Well, there’s no physical evidence I could find. But…well… For one thing, he walked in here like nothing was wrong…but there was a gash on his leg about as long as my hand. It’s almost like he’s…used to pain.”

“Could it be a shock?” 

“Could be. But, I’ll tell you, lieutenant; I’ve treated a couple of kids that went through the same situation that he did. Even the ones who were barely scratched had some kind of emotional response. He just looks…well like he doesn’t care. Like nothing happened at all. I’m no child psychologist or anything but it’s eerie.”

Booted footsteps crossed the tile. He looked up as Weaver came over to him. The man was smiling, but there was a thoughtful look in his eyes. There was still a chance though. Weaver knew a lot…but not too much. Nothing that would endanger the boy’s mission. As long as Weaver didn’t find out too much he would live. The man pulled a chair beside the hospital bed and looked into the boy’s face.

“It looks like you’re going to be fine. You’re just scraped up a bit. Would you like to tell me your name now?”

“I’m tired,” he said, stretching out on the bed and closing his eyes. There was the sound of a chair scraping back followed by a heavy sigh. 

“Excuse me, Sir,” the doctor said. “But we have casualties coming in. We’re going to need all the beds we have.”

“I’m sure the lad wouldn’t mind bunking in my room.”

Hands came underneath him. The boy instinctively flung his arms around Weaver’s neck as the man lifted him up. 

“I can walk on my own,” the boy said, glaring up at him. 

“Of course you can,” Weaver said in a patronizing tone. “But you hurt your leg and the doctor wants you to stay off it for a while.”

There was no help for it. If he refused to be carried then Weaver might think he was abnormal. He didn’t like it though. It made him feel small and young. At any time the man could drop him. Or maybe take him somewhere he didn’t want to go…like a prison cell. He wasn’t _that_ injured. He could walk on his own. But apparently little kids were supposed to cry over every little scratch. 

“Did you really know that man?” Weaver asked after a while. 

“No.” 

“That’s good…because he’s going to be executed tomorrow.”

“Hn.” What a dumb tactic to use. Weaver might get something out of that woman, but he’d never get anything out of Odin. The man didn’t say any more until they got to the room. There wasn’t much. A bed…a few pictures on the wall…and a computer terminal. Perfect.

“You know, there are a lot of bad people out there.” Weaver set him on the bed and sat beside him. “You can help make sure what happened to you never happens again. All you have to do is talk to me. Tell me everything you’ve heard or seen. Anything can be important. You won’t get in trouble…I promise.”

The boy lay back on the surprisingly soft bed, crossing his arms behind his head. His leg was starting to ache now. Why was it always his legs? Why couldn’t his arm get hurt instead?

“We’ll talk when you’re ready. You just rest now.” The man patted his knee lightly. Across the room the computer terminal started beeping. The man sighed and went over to it. 

“Lieutenant Commander Weaver here.”

“Sir! Sir the captain wants to speak to you, sir. And, Sir, he doesn’t sound happy.”

“Of course not…”

“Sir?” 

“Patch it down here, Cadet.”

“Weaver!” an old, stuffy voice bellowed. “You have the easiest post to command in the entire damned cluster! How do you explain losing fifteen good men to a group of ragtag rebels!?”

“I can explain, Sir.”

“You’d damned well better!”

The boy closed his eyes, tuning out the conversation. After the lieutenant left, all he would have to do was contact the higher ups, as Odin would call them. Now that he thought about it, Burke had used that term too. Was it just a coincidence? Well, even if it wasn’t, the boy wasn’t about to take any risks. All Odin had told him to do was to contact those people and tell them what happened. Hopefully they would tell him how to get Odin out of here. 

\---

It was quiet as the boy slowly woke. Someone had covered him up. Oh no! He’d fallen asleep! He bolted upright. There was nothing in the room to tell him how much time had passed. Anything could have happened. That had been really stupid. Inwardly cursing his own weakness, the boy scrambled out of bed and opened the door a crack. There was no sign of Weaver. There was just a drowsy looking guard leaning against the far wall. 

It wasn’t hard to bypass the security code on the computer. Weaver had only used a four digit alphabetical password. Within a few minutes the boy was into the communications system He liked doing this kind of thing. If he moved carefully, there was so much he could find out. So much information was available. Now…what had that code been again? X-3….97.5… Yes. That was it. There was a moment’s wait then a woman with frizzy red hair appeared on the monitor. 

“Yes, how can I help you?” she said in a bored monotone. Then she seemed to really notice him and her eyes widened in surprise. “You’re just a kid! This is a government line, bucko. Not something to be messing around with. I suggest you get off before you get in serious-”

“Odin told me to call,” the boy said in a low voice. Hopefully the woman would take the hint and keep her voice down. He didn’t know how thin the walls were and the last thing he wanted was anyone overhearing his conversation.

“How would you-” She stopped as realization dawned on her. “Ohh. You’re his little protégé huh? Hang on a minute.” The screen flickered and he found himself staring at the back of a tall chair.

“So what’s the problem?” a man’s voice said.

“Odin’s been captured.”

“How did this come about?”

“We got caught in a rebellion. We didn’t know it was going to be there and…” The boy paused. Should he really tell this man what Odin had did? Odin always said that they didn’t like him working on his own. “And got caught,” he finished lamely. 

“So they don’t know who he is?”

“No.” 

“Good. Then kill him.” 

The boy’s heart stopped. What? That…that couldn’t be right… Why? Hadn’t Odin done everything they’d asked? 

“I…I don’t understand.”

“He knows too much.”

There was a blip as the man severed the communication. The boy stared at the now blank screen. It was true. It was what Odin always told him. Those who knew too much always had to die. And Odin always taught him to follow orders. It felt as if a hand was squeezing his heart and tears burned the back of his eyes. He couldn’t do this. He couldn’t do this mission. He couldn’t kill Odin. He couldn’t kill someone he loved so much. 

_You killed Miss Celia,_ said the sensible side of him. _And Odin would want you to. Odin would want you to follow orders._

The boy closed his eyes and shoved all the emotion to the back of his mind. There wasn’t time for sadness. He just had to do his job. This was his first job he was doing entirely on his own. If he did it right…Odin might even be proud of him. The perverse thought made him chuckle. Only his life could be like this.

\--- 

The containment cells weren’t hard to find. For such a small place, he didn’t think it would be. So far no one had noticed him… Either that or they hadn’t cared. He would have thought that a kid wandering alone through a military installation would have gotten some attention. But the adults were too busy doing their own thing. But here was a problem. The boy peered around the corner again and sighed. Cadet Burke was standing on guard in front of the cells. 

He couldn’t shoot him. Not here. That would raise an alert. Burke didn’t look like he’d be moving any time soon either. The boy ducked back around the corner and leaned against the wall. There had to be a way. A part of him didn’t want to find it. 

“Now what are you doing down here, eh?” said Burke, suddenly appearing beside him. The boy instinctively reached for his gun but forcefully stopped himself. 

“I…I got lost.”

The man smirked, like he didn’t believe him. 

“You’re here to see him aren’t you? The rebel leader.”

“No.” 

Burke grabbed his arm lightly and pulled him into the hall where the cells were. There was no point in resisting so the boy let himself be guided.   
The man stopped in front of a green metal door and keyed some numbers into the pad beside it. 

“The security camera has been disabled. Don’t take too long though,”   
Burke said, pushing the door open. So he was part of the rebellion. Wasn’t he? 

“Go on, kid! They’re going to get suspicious before too long!” The   
Cadet gave him a shove toward the door. The boy decided to trust him. And anyway, even if he didn’t, he wasn’t going to get another opportunity like this.

The tiny cell only had one light on the ceiling, casting the room in gloomy shadows. Odin was sitting against the far wall. For a man who was about to die he seemed relaxed. Maybe…he didn’t know. But no…that couldn’t be. Odin would know. Odin wasn’t stupid. 

“Nice to see you,” the blond said with a wry grin. “You did what I said?”

“Yes.” 

“And how do they plan on getting me out of here?”

“They don’t,” the boy said, reaching into his pocket. Odin actually looked surprised. The expression was soon gone however and was replaced by stone. Nothing was on his face. Not sadness, or anger, or anything. It was strange. There was no time to wonder though. Just to act.

“I have to kill you.” The boy pointed the gun at his mentor, aiming for the forehead. Odin would be dead before he even knew it. 

“And you don’t even care do you?” Odin’s voice was cold. Ice cold. It stung and ripped a bleeding line down his heart. But he would cry later. He would mourn later. Right now, there was only one thing to do. The boy rested his finger against the trigger.


	14. Ready to Die

The boy rested his finger on the trigger. Just one shot and it would be all over. One shot and his mission would be complete. It shouldn’t be so hard. This was just another assassination, another splatter of blood on the walls. Nothing he hadn’t done before. But…his body wouldn’t move. All he could do was stand there, injured leg throbbing, arms beginning to ache from holding up the heavy gun. 

“Hurry it up, kid,” Odin snapped. The boy tightened his grip, his sweating palms making the gun slide down a little. He had to do his mission. He had to follow orders. That was what Odin had always told him. Nothing else mattered except doing exactly as he’d been told. Inwardly, he closed his eyes. Ice closed around him as his finger tensed on the trigger. It seemed as if someone else were doing it and he was standing there, watching himself. Just one more twitch and it would all be over. I’m sorry, he thought. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. He jerked the trigger back.

_Click_

The sound seemed to echo off the walls. The boy stared at the gun without really seeing it. It…it hadn’t gone off. What… It must be empty. They had just been in a firefight. That was stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid! He should have checked. He looked into his mentor’s cold face, wishing he could ask what to do. Odin smirked, as if happy at his confusion. The boy’s hands shook. Damnit. What now?

The door opened behind him.

“Hey, brat! I told you to make it quick!” Burke snapped in a whisper. Suddenly the man seemed to realize what was going on. The gun was snatched from his slippery hold and a rough hand grabbed his arm, twisting it painfully behind his back.

“You little punk!” Burke snarled. “You’re a little spy, ain’t ya?” The man tugged the boy’s arm up sharply; sending a spasm of pain rippling up into the boy’s shoulder. He ignored the pain, forcing himself not to react. “You’re a little Alliance spy!”

“I was sent to kill him.”

“Bullshit!”

“Hey-” Odin started. 

“Shut up, idiot. Be grateful I’m saving you!” Burke pushed the boy out the door, letting it close behind them. Then, with a final shove, sent the seven-year-old sprawling onto the hard floor. The boy pushed himself to his feet and turned to glare at Burke. The cadet had both hands on his hips and a smirk danced on his face.

“You thought you were so smart, didn’t you, kid? Killing the rebel leader on the planned day of the operation.”

“I didn’t-“

“I know better then whatever it is you’re going to say, so don’t bother to try.” 

The boy saw a flicker of movement just down the hall. Lieutenant Weaver. He was watching them. If the stupid cadet would just turn his head a little he would see him. Weaver noticed the boy’s stare and put and hand to his lips. 

“Nothing’s going to disrupt my plan,” Burke said, turning so his back was to the spying lieutenant. “Not you, not a bunch of disorganized idiots who call themselves ‘rebels’. I’ve been planning this little fiasco for a year.” A big, stupid grin spread across Burke’s face. “Wouldn’t you like to know what it is?” The boy stared him straight in the eye. Then looked over his shoulder to the lieutenant, then back at the man. Hopefully, if he wasn’t a total moron, he’d take the hint.

“No, I wouldn’t. Don’t tell me,” the boy said for added emphasis. Burke chuckled and folded his hands behind his back.

“Well, since all their going to find of you when I’m done is a smoldering little corpse…I’ll tell you anyway.” 

Weaver was getting closer, slowly pulling out his gun. Surely Burke could at least hear him. Unless the man was completely dense.

“As soon as I’m off duty, I’m going to blow up the base. With the communications relay gone, there’s no way the Alliance will be able-”

“You won’t be doing anything, Burke,” Weaver said, gun pointed and ready at the back of the man’s head. 

Burke whipped around, pulling out his gun. Weaver shot. The cadet fell to the ground, clutching his stomach. The boy stared curiously at the lieutenant. What was the point of shooting not to kill? It was funny, but Weaver didn’t seem angry at all. He looked upset, betrayed, but there was something else there too, something the boy couldn't quite place.

"I trusted you," the lieutenant said, his voice matching his expression. "How could you do this, Samuel?" 

"Don't... call me that, bastard," Burke snapped voice a little hoarse. "It's because of...people like you...that my brother's dead!" As he spoke, the cadet lifted his gun, hand trembling. Weaver's finger tightened on the trigger.

"Don't do it. I don't want to kill you," Weaver said. "Please... What will it accomplish?" Burke hesitated a moment, then, lowering his head, set the gun on the ground. He was giving up so easily? It wasn't really surprising. 

"Are you all right, lad?" Weaver asked, glancing briefly at the boy. He shrugged. "Well don't worry. Everything's going to be fine. I need you to take the cadet's gun and bring it here to me." The boy inwardly scowled at Weaver's patronizing tone and did as he was told. Burke's face was pale and stretched with pain. Judging by the amount of blood on his uniform, this was a pretty serious wound. Still, it would take him quite a while to die.

"That's it. Right here," Weaver said, holding out his hand. "Then we'll get you away from all this scary business, okay?" 

Burke snorted. The boy ignored him and turned his attention to the lieutenant. If he kept to his role of the innocent kid, he could always sneak back in and kill Odin later. But...but if Burke's mission went through, then he wouldn't have to kill Odin anyway. Maybe...maybe he could take over Burke's mission! That way, Odin wouldn't have to die! Odin might even be proud of him. He hadn't been ordered to do it...but...hadn't Odin once said that following orders was one of the worst mistakes he ever made? 

"Lad?" 

The boy looked up. Weaver's warm brown eyes met his, then flickered down to the gun, and back. In that moment, Weaver understood. Understood everything.

“You-” was the last word Weaver ever said. He fell, blood spurting from the hole in his head, and hit the ground with a thud. The boy rushed over to the fallen lieutenant and began sorting through the man's clothes for the mobile suit key.

"What...what did you do?" Burke asked. 

"I'm going to do your mission," the boy said, finally finding the green strip of metal on a chain around Weaver's neck. 

"But...but you...you were telling the truth... Weren't you?" 

The boy nodded, trying to undo the latch of the chain.

"I'm an idiot..." Burke muttered.

The boy rolled his eyes. Once again, brilliant powers of observation by an adult. With a grunt, he jerked the chain from off the body's neck and shoved it in his shorts pockets. Then he turned back to Burke. Distant shouting came from down the hall. The cadet seemed to decide something. He nodded and struggled to stand. The boy helped him, slipping an arm around Burke's waist to help him stand. As the boy wasn't entirely sure where everything was, he'd have to rely on the man. 

"Help me to the comm panel," Burke said, gesturing to a row of buttons on the wall. For someone who was injured, the man moved fast. His face was pale, though and the hand clamped over his stomach was pure white. Burke pressed a sequence of buttons. Then pressed a red button down and said: 

"Initiated." 

At first nothing happened. Suddenly the lights snapped off and there was a gradual whine as the computers shut down. The shouting from down the hall became confused. 

"That'll buy us a few seconds before the generators come on line," Burke said. "Comon'"

It took a full minute for the generators to kick in...and even then, it was just red lights flashing dimly in dark halls. The boy was impressed. This rebellion was really well organized. They might even be able to pull it off, in spite of Burke's stupidity. They reached the entrance to the hanger, just as the power came back on. It was well guarded. Burke jerked back around a corner, just in time. They couldn't just barge through. It was five well armed soldiers against a wounded man and a kid. The boy could maybe pick one off from the shadows, but with all the others firing at him, he wasn't sure if he'd be very good. They needed somewhere to hide out for a little bit and plan. As if reading his mind, Burke gestured to a door further along the hall. The man was leaning on him heavily now, and his breathing was shaky. The door led to a small janitor's closet. Once inside, the cadet slumped to the floor. Sweat was trailing down his face and his white hand was stained red. 

"I don't know what we're going to do," the man said in a whisper, leaning his head against the shelves. "If only Kris were here." 

The boy crouched beside the door, keeping an ear out for approaching footsteps. The power must have knocked out the security in the cells too. Odin had probably escaped by now. 

"He was the leader, you know," Burke went on. "Planned everything. They called him a genius..." He chuckled softly, wincing shortly afterwards as the movement jarred his stomach. "The best pilot I've ever seen. But he made one mistake... One stupid mistake...and they found him." Burke closed his eyes tightly, clenching his free hand into a fist. Kris must have been the brother then. The boy wished he could care about losing someone close. 

"They tortured him. Tortured him...and all I could do was watch." Burke relaxed, slowly shaking his head. "I was the leader then. I tried my best... Even organized that stupid little rebellion to take the heat off us. But... It's all over now isn't it?"

"There aren't any other pilots?"

"Being a mobile suit pilot isn't easy," Burke said, giving him an irritated glare. "You have to go through rigorous training and..."

"I can do it." The boy looked at the floor. It would be hard, but he would do this mission or die trying. He had too. If he failed...then...Odin really was going to die.

"You?" The sarcasm dripped from the cadet's voice. "A kid like you?" 

"I saw what Weaver did."

"And you think that's enough?"

The boy stood, jamming the gun into the waistband of his shorts. "I don't think you have a choice. I can do this for you, if you help me into the hangar."

"You're out of your mind. It's risky for me... For a kid like you, it'd be suicide."

The boy looked at him straight in the eye. 

"So what?"

For a long moment, Burke didn't nothing but stare. Then he shook his head.

"All right. It's not like we have anything to lose. I hope you're ready do die, kid."

The boy nodded. He was always ready to die...


	15. In Too Deep

Three more adults slipped into the cramped, stuffy janitor’s closet. That made five in all, not including Burke. The boy sighed as he stepped back to make room for them. Burke had said this was a meeting place in case something had gone wrong. Although there were no cameras here to monitor what went on, there wasn’t much space either. The boy found himself backed up into a corner, shoulder to shoulder with a nasty smelling mop. As the door shut, the newcomers began to whisper the by now familiar greeting.

“Burke, what happened?” said one. 

“You’re bleeding!” said another. The Cadet smiled weakly, giving the, by now, familiar response. 

“I’m fine,” he muttered. No he wasn’t. He was dying and there wasn’t one in the room who didn’t know it. What was the point to lying? Maybe it was an adult thing, because the boy certainly didn’t understand it. 

“Great. Our rebellion was a complete disaster,” a thin man growled. “We’re going to be taken prisoners and made examples of. Do you know what they do to their prisoners?” 

“We’re not entirely sunk,” Burk said, shifting his weight slightly. “There’s still a chance we can win this thing.”

“Oh, Samuel…” said a brunette woman. “You can’t pilot now. You’ll die!” 

“So he’ll die. So what?” the boy. All but Burke turned to glare at him. 

“How dare you say something like that!” the brunette woman snapped. The boy met her angry gaze evenly.

“If you want to win, you have to sacrifice things when necessary,” he said with a shrug.

“What would you know, brat?” the scrawny man snarled. More then anyone in this room it seemed. The boy shook his head. Adults weren’t supposed to be stupid like this. 

“No,” Burke said. “He’s right. I will die for this cause if I must… Like Kris did…like I know you all would do.” There was a general agreement around the room. For all his faults, Burke seemed to know what to say to people. 

“Even though this rebellion is small…and we may not win…we’ll be an example to all others out there who are oppressed. One day, L-3 will be free of Earth’s rule. One day, all the colonies will. In that day…”

For a man who was dying he sure talked a lot. The boy shifted anxiously from foot to foot and tried to listen for the sounds of approaching soldiers. From what he’d gathered, this rebellion was poorly planned and not as well organized as he’d thought. That meant that everyone taking part in the rebellion was most likely right here, just waiting to be picked off one by one when the soldiers showed up. Especially since Burke didn’t seem to want to shut up about his stupid ideals and get down to business. The boy narrowed his eyes. This was his mission now. He’d taken it on and Burke had, in a way, given it to him. He was not going to let a bunch of moron grownups take it from him. Odin was going to be proud of him when this was over. 

“Get to the point,” the boy cut in. “Everyone’s here. What are we going to do?” 

“Die, most likely,” muttered the scrawny man. At this point, the boy was highly tempted to give him his wish. 

“Not necessarily,” Burke said. The scrawny man grunted. 

“Perhaps not, but either way, the rebellion’s ended. You can’t pilot and no one else here has a clue.”

“I know. That boy will pilot the captain’s mobile suit.”

There was a moment of silence as the all the adults turned to give the boy a surprised look. Then they all burst out at once.

“What?” the scrawny man bellowed.

“You’ve gotta be kidding me! He won’t even be able to reach the foot pedals!” said another man. 

“You’re off your rocker, Burke,” a woman said. 

The boy flinched. They were talking way to loud. The soldiers would be sure to hear them. Annoyance tightened his throat. This was all so pathetic. The others seemed to be nothing more then computer operators or technicians…but Burke was a cadet. A military cadet trained by the alliance. He had no excuse. This was all just pure stupidity. 

“Samuel,” the brunette was saying. “You can’t seriously be thinking of letting a little boy pilot such a complicated piece of machinery.”

“We don’t have any other choice,” Burke said. “It’s a risk we’ll have to take.”

“But, there’s no way he can-” the woman started. The boy cut her off.

“If the mission fails, then I’ll be dead and no one would connect my body to your group,” the boy said, fixing her with a steady gaze. “And if it succeeds…” the boy shrugged. The woman stared at him with wide eyes…as if she was completely shocked by what he’d said. 

“You know, he might be right,” the scrawny man said.

“You’re crazy, too,” said the other man. “He’s just a kid. What can he possibly do?” 

“Hurry up and decide,” the boy said, shifting his gaze to Burke. “So far we haven’t been found…but it’s only a matter of time.” 

The cadet nodded “The boy’s right. I know it seems ludicrous, but he’s not just any little kid.”

“You’ve got that right,” the brunette woman breathed. “I’m not even sure he’s human.” 

The cadet seemed to agree with her, but all he said was: 

“Come here.”

The boy went up to the man, the adults parting for him and staring down at him with wide eyes. Ignoring their stares he stopped in front of the cadet and crouched down. Burke pulled some toilet paper from the shelf above him and set it a few feet away. 

“This is where we are,” he said, pointing to a spot of blood on the floor. Then he gestured to the toilet paper. “That is the relay tower.” He put his finger in the blood and smudged a line across the floor. “There is a main power line right under the road that supplies energy for the relay tower. It’s only a small line, so hitting it would only trigger the backup systems.” He made a cross with the blood a little more then halfway. “Before it gets to the tower, it feeds directly into a power junction. You’ll know where it is by the slight dip in the road. Hit that junction just right and the surge will rip up all the way to the tower.”

“Why can’t I just attack it directly?” the boy asked.

“It’s guarded by three leos,” muttered the scrawny man. “Even if you did manage to make it that far, you wouldn’t stand a chance against them.” 

The boy nodded. He only just knew how to work the machine, fighting with it would be beyond him. He would if he had to, though. Odin would be proud of him by the end of   
this mission. 

“Now,” Burke continued. “We have an operative in the hangar that will release the magnetic lock and open the main doors for you. Then you’ll have sixty seconds to get out of there before he triggers the bombs.” 

“Who did you finally get, Samuel?” the brunette asked. 

“I…actually don’t know. They said they would send an operative here…”

“Well at least you haven’t paid them yet,” said the scrawny man. “So if they gyp us we can-”

“Actually…” Burke said. The boy sighed as the adults once again exploded into argument. He stood and headed for the door. This was completely ridiculous. If it was just him and Odin, they would have this entire base leveled in the time it took _them_ to figure out what they were doing.

He slipped out into the hall, closing the door softly behind him. The lights had come on and it seemed the base was at full power again. It was only a matter of time before the small group was found. Down the hall, the guard at the hangar’s entrance had doubled. It would be impossible to shoot his way in there. That would only bring more attention then was necessary…. Especially since he wasn’t sure if the operative was even there or not. Sneaking in was also out of the question. There were air vents running overhead, but he didn’t know their layout. He could be lost for hours. It looked like he was going to have to pretend again. He tucked the gun into his hidden pocket and pushed himself out of the shadow of the doorway. 

He walked up to the guards, head bowed. As long as he acted like a kid, they would be fooled. He couldn’t let them see his eyes though. They would know the truth as soon as they did that. The same as Weaver had known.

“Hey! Identify yourself!” a guard snapped. The boy stopped and looked up a little.

“I’m John Smith,” he said softly, hoping he sounded scared.

“Relax, Darvin,” said another soldier. “It’s just a kid.”

“Sorry,” the one named Darvin murmured. The other solider started coming toward him. The boy found his hand automatically reaching for his hidden pocket and forcibly stopped himself. The man knelt in front of him. The boy looked away so the man couldn’t see his eyes. 

“Don’t be scared, I won’t hurt you,” the man said, putting a hand on his shoulder. “Why are you out here, little one? It’s dangerous.” The boy bridled at the nickname but let it pass. He still had to think of a story. Hopefully the guard would think he was being shy and not become suspicious. 

“Maybe he’s a rebel spy!” Darvin said. The others laughed. 

“Shut up, Darvin. You’re scaring him,” said the other soldier. He turned his attention back to the boy and smiled. “Don’t worry about him. Darvin’s just teasing. But you should go to the hospital wing where it’s safe. Where’s Captain Weaver?”

So they knew he had come in with Weaver? Perfect.

“I wanted to find my Dad’s picture,” the boy said. “I left it in the mobile suit…and I really want to have it.” 

“Well maybe you can find it later when things have settled down a bit, hm?”

“But I _have_ to have it,” the boy said, trying to look sad. “I really want my Dad’s picture.”

“Well, I’m sorry, little one, but no one is allowed in the hangar.”

“Hey,” said Darvin. “That’s the kid who was caught in the crossfire earlier, isn’t it? Maybe we should let him in, sir. I mean, he’s probably just lost his Dad and something familiar will really help him out. I know it did with me…” the man finished softly. The tone of his voice almost made the boy look up at him. It was strange… because he had accepted Burke’s mission, Burke was an ally…and this man an enemy. Yet they both seemed to have something in common. A loss that deeply affected them. So did that mean that they were both right? Or, because Burke was an enemy in the beginning, were they both wrong? How could two people on the opposite sides be the same and still fight? 

“I guess we can let him in,” said the other soldier, breaking the boy from his thoughts. “The captain will understand.”

“Yeah, Weaver’s a good man,” Darvin said. Was, the boy thought automatically. Guilt tightened his chest, but he brushed that away too. He had no time for guilt. The only thing he needed to concentrate on was the mission. He wouldn’t mess up this time. He would do it perfectly this time. Maybe Odin would even forgive the boy for almost shooting him. Maybe if he did this right, they could really be a family. 

“All right, let’s go,” the soldier said, taking the boy’s hand. The boy almost pulled away from the touch. It was worse then Weaver. He wasn’t that young. As they entered the hangar, Darvin seemed like he was going to come in with them. The solider waved him back

“You gotta keep a close eye out, Darv. I have the highest rank and if something happens because I’m showing this kid around, it all falls back on me.”  
The other man didn’t argue, merely nodded and stepped back outside the room. The boy sighed inwardly. Good. The less people there were, the easier it would be. 

The hangar was surprisingly empty. There was no sign of anyone, rebel operative or otherwise. The leos stood like tall, eerie statues that seemed to be almost alive in the half light. It was strange that it was so empty. Even if they had guards at all the entrances, they would still have someone inside the hangar, just in case. 

“The other mechanics must have evacuated…but I’m surprised Ed didn’t stay behind.”

“Ed?” the boy echoed. Maybe that was the person who Burke had hired. The solider nodded.

“Yeah, the oldest mechanic in the place. Couldn’t tear him away from his machines with a forklift.”

The boy nodded. Then the old man probably was still here. He was either in some other part of the hangar or the operative Burke had told him about. There was a movement in the shadows of the catwalk off to the side. The boy glanced up just in time to see a figure flicker into darkness. He narrowed his eyes. The mechanic? Or someone else?

“See something interesting?” the solider asked. The boy immediately turned his attention back to the man. They were in front of the captain’s mobile suit. The soldier had left his side to fiddle with the controls of a moving platform. The machine grumbled to life, the noise seeming to fill the whole hangar. If a shot was fired, no one would be able to hear it over the noise. The boy stepped up onto the platform and craned his head to look at the leo. The hatch was open. All he really had to do was kill the solider and climb in. The platform trembled and started up.

“So, you were the one caught in the fight, huh?” the soldier asked. The boy glanced at him. The man had…changed. He was leaning against the railing, giving the boy a narrow eyed look. Gone was the concerned adult. The boy tensed automatically, then realized that he was only making himself look guilty and tried to relax. By the cold look that crossed the soldier’s face, he realized he’d failed. He reached for his hidden pocket, but the soldier’s gun was out and pointed at him, before he could reach his own weapon.

The boy took an unconscious step back, sudden fear closing his throat. The boy clenched his teeth. Why was he afraid now? This wasn’t the first time he’d had a gun pointed to his head. Why was he so scared? Only little kids got scared! He tried to fight the emotion back. Odin wouldn’t have been scared. 

“Yeah, you’d better be scared,” the soldier snarled. “I don’t like kids. I never have. One less wouldn’t make a shit of difference; especially one that works for the rebels.” The man paused then, as if waiting for the boy to say something. The boy straightened and stared at the man’s face. The fear was still coiled in the pit of his belly, but this mission was more important. If he did this right all on his own, Odin couldn’t help but be proud of him.

“Thought you were so smart, didn’t you?” the solider continued. “Thought you could get away with it. Well you messed up big time. I helped to bring the rebels in, you know…and there you were, standing right next to the captain. Didn’t look like a kid who had just been through a fight. I got curious so I talked to the rebel woman. Silly little idiot told me everything. I know you’re involved in this rebellion so you’d better start talking about what you know before I blow your brains out.”

The boy looked on the soldier in an entirely new light then. This man wasn’t dumb. He was observant and smart… The soldier must have suspected him from the beginning, but of course, no one would believe a little kid had been active in a rebellion. So the solider had led him in here…even taken him by the hand so he wouldn’t change his mind and run away. The boy had walked right into a trap. He should have seen what the solider was doing. He should have known better. Now he was caught in a situation he wasn’t sure how to get out of. He couldn’t shoot the solider; he’d never be able to get his gun out in time. Telling the solider the truth…or even lying…wouldn’t do any good. The man might not shoot him, but he’d never let the boy in the cockpit. 

Frustration mixed with the fear and twisted his stomach into knots. Now what was he supposed to do? He was running out of time! It wouldn’t be much longer before they found out what was really going on. Burke would probably rant it out in full detail before he died, if he hadn’t all ready.

“You’d better speak up, kid!” the soldier said, finger tensing on the trigger. “I’m not very patient man. Don’t make me have to kill you.” Suddenly the boy saw something that made all the fear inside him disappear. Beads of sweat were appearing on the man’s forehead. The boy shook his head at his own stupidity. The solider was obviously bluffing. Even if he was a kid hater, there was no way he could bring himself to shoot one. Odin would have shot as soon as he suspected something. 

The lift had risen to its full height and stopped. They were now level with the mobile suit’s head. The only way to get into the cockpit would be to jump. First, though, he had to get rid of the solider. It would be tricky, though. The man was nervous and a quick movement would have him shooting on impulse. 

“I can’t remember all that I have to do, so they wrote it down,” the boy said, slowly reaching for his hidden pocket. 

“How stupid do you think I am? I-”

He was interrupted when the inside door slammed open, the crash echoing around the room. The soldier’s head shot in that direction. 

“Sir! Weaver’s dead!” Darvin shouted. Time was up. The boy whipped out his gun and dodged as the soldier shot at him. The bullet whispered across his cheek. Just as the boy was about to fire, the soldier hit a button on the control panel, making the platform jerk forward. The boy’s bullet went wild, burying just below the soldiers ribs. They were quickly rolling away from the mobile suit. The boy paused only just long enough to jam his gun into his waistband, then jumped up on the railing and pushed himself off. 

For a moment, he was flying. Everything seemed to move in slow motion. He could hear someone screaming something and a gunshot that came no where close to him. The hatch of the mobile suit rushed up to meet him. He grabbed for it. The momentum carried him forward, slamming him into the underside and then back and for one heart stopping moment, he nearly lost his grip. He made his way hand over hand down the hatch and swung himself into the cockpit. 

There were more switches then he remembered in here. Hopefully, the buttons that Weaver had pressed to open the hatch would be the same ones to close it. He flicked a switch that looked similar to the one he remembered and breathed a sigh of relief as the doors hissed closed. He ran his fingers along the buttons on the side as he had seen Weaver do. The little hatch popped open for the key. He ripped the chain holding the key from his neck, took off the green strip of metal and poked it into its slot. The giant machine hummed to life. The boy sat back a moment to catch his breath. The first stage of his mission was complete. The intercom beside him crackled to life.

“Are you prepared?” the voice was high pitched, either belonging to a woman, or a kid like him. It was also surprisingly calm, as if this situation was typical.

“Ready,” the boy said, stretching out his legs to touch the foot pedals. When they didn’t touch anything but air, he looked down and noticed the pedals were farther away then   
he thought. Urgh. He hated being a kid! 

“Releasing docking magnet,” the voice said. The boy slid down in the seat and pressed his foot against the pedal. Nothing happened. The pedal didn’t even give to the pressure. He slid down further so he could use more of his leg and pushed as hard as he could. There was a slight change of tone in the machine as the foot rose. Sweat beaded his face. This was really heavy! He shifted his foot up to the top of the pedal in order to move the leo’s foot forward. There was a slight jolt as the magnet released. The unbalanced suit began to fall forward. The boy yelped and jerked his foot off the pedal. It crashed down and the cockpit vibrated madly. 

“I’ve activated the countdown,” the voice said. “You have fifty-three seconds remaining.” There was a pause, then. “Enemy units at three o’clock.” The boy narrowed his eyes. What in the world was the operative talking about? It was at least eight-thirty now. With a shrug, the boy braced his lower back against the seat, gripped the edge of the seat with his hands to keep himself steady, and began to work the pedals. It wasn’t easy. By the time he had gone only three steps, his legs were aching. Suddenly there was an eruption of pinging sounds that vibrated through the suit. It took him a moment to realize people were shooting at him. Well, bullets couldn’t get through a mobile suit’s armor very well...at least he didn’t think they could. 

“You have to move faster than that,” said the voice. “You have thirty seconds left and if you don’t turn you’re going to run into a wall.” 

The boy scootched up in the seat so he could see out the window and realized the voice was right. He was staring right at a catwalk. He looked around wildly at all the buttons and switches. There was nothing to tell him how to turn the stupid thing…and he only had a few seconds left. Oh no. What was he supposed to do now?


End file.
